Efof - "In a stew"Posted by
Posted: Jul 1, 2007, 5:02pm
Who: Efof Yuwan'Kar and the Apophallationmaster
Where: In a ship that apparently looks like "a big poo"
When: Just before Efof gets put in a big pot
Servants set the table, we're having a banquet."
"Oh cheers dude, I'm starving." Said Efof, rubbing his hands together.
"I don't know what you're so happy about. You're the main course."
Said the Apophallationmaster pointing to a large pot on the other
side of the room. "Put him in the stew!"
Efof looked around in panic as both his arms were grabbed. "Okay I'll
say it. You remind me of a pretentious, pompous twat called Seymour.
But at least HE never tried to eat me!"
Everything happened so fast that the dim Ffionian didn't really know
what was going on. He was spun around so many times and he felt his
clothes being ripped off. He was buffed and scrubbed with water, then
suddenly found himself plunged into a large ceramic pot full of warm
Efof swam around for a while, before leaning against the side of the
pot, his head just poking out of the water.
The pot was taller than the creatures who called themselves Mollopods.
So when the Apophallationmaster spoke, Efof could only hear his voice
from somewhere over the edge of the pot.
"I hope it's hot in there, I hope you boil... mmmm you're going to be
tasty!" He said, and Efof could imagine him licking his lips.
Efof played around with the lukewarm water in his hands. "Actually
it's just right." he said neutrally.
"Don't try to be coy with me!" The Apophallationmaster said. "It
burns and you know it, haha!"
Efof shrugged. "Nah not really... it's just like a warm bath I guess."
The Apophallationmaster's boggly eyes appeared over the top of the
pot and glared at him. He then disappeared and Efof could hear him
shouting at some kind of servant. "More wood, we need more wood for
Efof remained quiet for a few moments and put his head back and
smiled. 'This bath is relaxing' he thought. He could hear someone
piling more wood up at the bottom of the pot, and then lots of
blowing. He could hear the crackling of extra firewood but the
temperature only went up by about one degree.
"Haha I bet you're boiling now!" The Apophallationmaster snarled.
Efof sighed, then lied unenthusiastically "Yes. I am. Ow. Ow, It's
The Apophallationmaster laughed and Efof could hear him squirming off.
Efof looked over the side of the pot to see that the
Apophallationmaster had left him in the safe hands of a chef. He wore
a white jacket over his slug-like body.
The chef walked up a small ladder to drop some vegetables in the large
After a brief moment of awkwardness, Efof felt he had to make
conversation. "So what flavour soup will this be?"
"What are you?" the Chef asked.
"Ffionian soup." Said the chef, and disappeared again.
Efof splashed around in the water to amuse himself. The water wasn't
getting any hotter, so he practised his swimming. Not being a clever
person, it took Efof a whole 20minutes to realise that if he swam left
and right quickly, it made the pot sway from side to side.
"Hey stop that!" Said the slimy chef, who, surprisingly was even more
dimwitted as Efof and managed to stand in exactly the place the pot
fell when it rolled over. The water gushed everywhere, and Efof slid
out of the pot, completely naked on to the floor.
Knowing he probably now didn't have much time, Efof made a break for
it. He headed in the direction he thought the flight deck was and ran
as fast as he could. Thinking fast, Efof wasn't making any long term
plans, his current plan was to get to a ship and escape being eaten.
He gave no thought to where to go to next truthfully he didn't even
know where the Blue Dwarf was, for all he knew they could be at the
opposite end of the galaxy by now. They could be closer, but the
chances he had of finding them were tiny.
He ran past some guards, who were holding medieval-styled pikes. They
noticed him go past and squirmed after him. "Look our dinner is
Surprisingly, the Mollopods could squirm quite fast, and had almost
caught up with him as when he entered the hangar.
Efof looked around, he was looking for the ship he had used to get
here, he saw several that looked similar parked all around the hanger,
but what he didn't expect to see was the Starbug right in the middle.
Efof blinked, he was certain his eyes were deceiving him. There was
just no way that a Starbug should be here. He assumed that other JMC
vessels used Starbugs, so looked closer to see what ship it was from,
and hoped he could get a lift. He was amazed to see "Property of JMC
Blue Dwarf" written on its hull. Efof jumped for joy, "I'm being
rescued!" he said.
Then his heart sunk as he was surrounded by Mollopods, pointing sharp
ceremonial weapons at him. Each one was angry that their dinner had
escaped. "So that's where his nose is!" Said one. Efof crossed his legs.
He asked a barrage of questions about the Starbug but none of the
large slugs listened. They just frogmarched him to the kitchen where
he found himself in another large pot full of tepid water. He sighed.
<To be continued!>