Andy Roos - "Of GELFS, Swirlies and Scutters" pt1

OOC - Posted on behalf of n00b Andy Roos! He has been extremely over-
zealous and written loads so I've split this up into two parts.
A loud explosion suddenly rocked the ship. Andy carried on
regardless. He may have been out for the past fifty years and know
nothing about mechanics but even he knew Blue Dwarf was being held
together by duct tape and lackey bands.
Had he been more alert, he would have noticed the heavily armed GELF
that just rounded the corner.
<End snip>
Who: Andy
Where: Blue Dwarf, 50.46 metres away from woman's lavatory
When: Year 2107
"Hands up!" A deep, guttural voice commanded him. The loud, signature
crack of a bazookoid crock issued from down the hall. Jacob's head
flicked up from counting the metal fatigue cracks on the floor. It
was a shame that his gas mask was almost completely messed up by god-
knows-what. He didn't feel exactly brave enough to take it off either.
A deep brown glove reached up and wiped the gunk off his gas-mask's
large, insectizoid, eyes. Deciding that an already soiled glove did
little to solve the matter, he expertly snapped up his primary weapon-
Bio-matter acid spray- made exactly two squirts and the rest simply
melted away while leaving his suit perfectly intact.
Staring out through the eyes he saw the person in question. In his
defence it was a rather dark corridor and the voice reminded him of a
certain other. Oh great. Jay had gotten himself stark drunk. Andy
thought critically. He and Katrina doubtlessly had yet another
disagreement and he was now blowing off steam by running around with
highly powered weaponry. This didn't actually bother Andy too much.
The cleaner knew that Jay was a fair dinkum bloke, once he even
helped him with `cleaning' some of the worst spots (this was most
likely due to that he got free target practice with a bazookoid).
This situation honestly didn't bother Andy too much. He would sober
up in a few hours, come back and apologise to those he remembered.
Until then, Jay would probably attempt to steal his underwear.
"I said; hands up!!" The voice prompted once more. Another crack of
the Bazookoid and Andy learnt two things, this wasn't Jay and this
person had no idea what the hell they were doing. He had become
familiarized with the Bazookoids during his brief stint aboard this
vessel when below decks. Some things simply aren't capable of being
cleaned with `contemporary' tools. A single crock of a Bazookoid
meant that the next, highly powered, laser blast (that was capable of
either blasting through solid asteroid or occasionally make a dent of
some things Andy had to clean) was ready to go. Another crock meant
that the weapon was completely powered down and would be that way for
the next five minutes. This fail-safe was meant for men who where
addled by space madness, or depression, or drunkenness… or all three.
Jay could be inebriated to the point of near catatonia but not even
he would make that mistake.
Andy finally raised his hands slowly though he knew that there was
nothing to fear. The unknown person walked forward. It was hideous.
This… `Person' was dressed in what could only be called flannel…
everything. Clothing that seemed directly pulled from the nega-
dimension itself and wrapped itself around… oh yeah, it wasn't human.
It was a GELF.
To be honest Andy wasn't excited about meeting aliens, he was
terrified. The first time he saw Efof, at the bar, he wouldn't stop
screaming for three hours. When he was but a boy he saw `Mars
attacks!' a parody film made in the 20th century. That one scene
where the fake woman-Martian bit off that guy's finger scarred him
for life. If they had known that they would have understood why Andy
was huddled in the corner, shaking and screaming `don't eat my
finger!!' over and over again. Should the hapless Efof known the root
of his terror, he probably wouldn't have kept trying to give the
terrified man free beer and peanuts. He still hadn't gotten over it
to be honest… but GELF weren't aliens. They were just crappy Martian-
Andy's eyes panned up to the GELF's face and (to be fair) he had seen
more handsome refuse. "What're YOU looking at!?" The GELF demanded as
he approached while keeping the mining laser pointed at him.
"…Well… sorry sir but you kind of reminded me of someone." Andy lied
in a polite a tone as possible. There was nothing living that
resembled that his assailant.
"Sir?!" The outraged GELF yelled in a voice that made Bubba sound
like a choir boy. "I'm a WOMAN!!"
Andy felt bile slid up into the back of this throat.
He immediately knew that he was going to run, fast.
With a disrupting shout Andy shoulder barged the GELF, sending the
flannel-wearing creature to the ground with a bellow and a curse.
Dipping down to his trolley he armed himself with a broomstick, a
plunger and his bio-matter stray. With a single toned, prolonged
scream he ran back down the corridor and back into what was once
called the woman's toilets and now a nuclear wasteland.
The cleaner immediately slammed his back to the wall directly across
from the entrance. Spray hanging from his belt, broom held high and
plunger shoved down the back of his daks; he waited for the attacking
GELF to give chase.
What he didn't expect was a grenade to roll through the door. "Oh
crap." He stated mutely while his broom fell out of his hands.
An ear splitting bang that reverberated around the room accompanied
by a white burst that had all the blinding power of being flashed by
Dame Edna.
A second later a massive impacting force smashed across his left
cheek and sent him sprawling to the other side of the toilet.
Smashing into the tiled wall with high momentum, the Australian
quickly slid to the floor in a crumbled heap. Stars flittered his
view from the messed floor while a ringing noise blocked out the
GELF's horrid voice.
The stunned man's shaky arms made a bold attempt to right his body.
Within a matter of seconds his eyes began to be able to actually
distinguish different objects. Not that was necessarily a good thing
in this place. With an embittered glare, he realised that he was
directly across from that…`toilet' that he had just worked on.
The flannel-wearing GELF stood only a metre away from him with the
Bazookoid pointed directly at his face. All things considered, he'd
been in better conditions. The ringing in his ears began to subside
just enough to be able to hear his assailant's voice once more. Who
said there was justice in this world?
"Now… you're going to die." `She' claimed, jigging the dormant mining
laser in `her' hands.
<to be continued>

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