Andy, Rufus- Ive had it with these mother******* slugs-!!

Who: Andy, Rufus
Where: Mollopod planet, Blender square
when: First blender activation +50 minutes
"…I WILL TAKE CARE THE CREW..." Although its tone was that of a
whisper, the sheer power behind the voice was one that shook the very
fabric of your being.
Andy between him and the large crater that used to be 50+ slugs and
decided to chose life. "C'mon blondie, we're outta here!!" The
cleaner's hand snapped out to seise the teenager's wrist before
running off in a particularly large dispersion in the crowd.
"Where are you taking me!?!" Rufus yelled over the steadily increasing
carnage. The two were moving at a jogging pace, it was as fast as Andy
could go while still firing the Bazookoid.
"We're going back to Blue Dwarf… I thought you already knew that!" The
cleaner responded as the laser blasts continued to throb through the
fleeing crowds of slugs.
"I know that but HOW are we going to get there?! It not like we can
just climb up its side!!" The scientist had met his guy all of three
minutes ago and he was already insulting his intelligence. He high
suspected that it was because his hair colour was blonde.
Although… with all the slug fluid flying it wouldn't really matter for
much longer.
"I don't know, dammit!!" The cleaner admitted. He would have promised
that crazy guy the Fiji if it meant that he would let him go. "My only
ride just took off 15 minutes ago and now I'm stranded here in a
Frenchman's heaven… or ironic hell… kinda depends on the appetite and
stomach volume."
Rufus slapped his only free hand against his forehead. This guy was
going to get him killed, he just knew it. With his late mother's
wrapped arm cradled in his left arm he was prepared to fight through a
trog of psychotic slugs to do as his father asked. Then again, this
man was quite possibly motivated in the same way… but for different
Then something caught Rufus's eye. A multiple of hovering craft slung
around a large structure. Above it was a massive neon-sign written in
alien language. He couldn't read it. What he could read was a
neon-metre loading up and emptying only to repeat the cycle.
It was a re-fueling station… perhaps they could…
"OVER THERE!!" The young scientist yelled, pointing excitedly at the
large structure.
"What?!" Andy replied as he bashed a slug over the head with the
barrel of the bazookoid.
"Quick, come with me. I know how we can get back!!"
"… This better be good." Andy muttered as he began to jog-side-by-side
with the boy.
Fortunately most of the military had draw their focus back on blender
square… where an unknown force was busy rending apart everything that
came close. An almost clean line allowed the two to get up to top speed.
An earth-shaking explosion suddenly rattled through Andy's teeth.
"I heard that guy back there called you his son..." The cleaner asked
somewhat cautiously.
"Story's way too long… all I have to say is yes he is and that I'm 50%
GELF, anything else you have to ask someone who isn't in the middle of
an Alien attack." The scientist replied in annoyance. Any second and
could be torn to shreds and this guy wanted to make small talk?!
Andy scrunched up his face in confusion and replied with. "Wait, wait, can you be 50% GELF?!"
"Well… I was just made that way." Rufus spoke as patiently as possible.
"No, no, no. Not that!" Andy took a moment to rectify. "A GELF is a
Genetically Engineered Life Form. You can't be 50% it!!"
Rufus's left eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "Of course I can! 50% of
my DNA has been changed!!"
The cleaner rolled his eyes. "If a guy had his arms and legs hacked
off and replaced with robot parts. No one would go around calling him
50% robot, 50% human. He'd be a CYBORG- an altered composition of
different and old!!" Andy was very, VERY bitchy about specifics.
"…and this bite of knowledge is coming from a CLEANER…" Rufus
responded and effectively ended the argument. Of which left a slightly
bitter Andy to proceed to work out his frustrations on a few more
fleeing slugs.
"Alright, we're almost there." Rufus reminded him as they where now
within a hundred metres of double-door entrance of the distinctly
Chinese star craft/restaurant.
The restaurant itself was an enigma. On one hand it was painted the
brightest red construction imaginable, decorated with equally red
wooden posts and paper lanterns. On the other hand, its large wooden
plaque proudly tilted itself as the `Golden palace'. This of course
never even took into account that to actually be `Chinese' it would
assume that slugs had already been to earth and discovered it. Then
again this fact was most likely covered up by the idea that, along
with Elvis, Confucius was also abducted by aliens.
"I'll go first." Andy declared briefly before kicking in the door.
"Alright everyone, hands up!" The cleaner demanded as he waved his
bazookoid threateningly. "We're taking this... err vessel for ourselves."
The assorted aliens let out a whooping laugh at the sight of the two
creatures. `What're you ugly things doing here?' A falsetto slug
suddenly yelled out from the back. `Why aren't you on my plate?!'
Another added. `Git in mah belly!!' A distinctly Scottish accent
permeated from the kitchen.
"Congratulations. You scared the living daylights out of them." Rufus
said with a heartily slap on the cleaner's back. Which he instantly
regretted the second he pulled his hand away, bringing a thick coat of
slime with it.
"That was the warning." Andy muttered angrily as he cracked his bazookoid.
A small group of (supposedly) male slugs charged the pair. Only to be
promptly blasted and splattered across the floor.
"Who else wants to join them!?" The cleaner yelled as he renewed
aimlessly waving around the mining laser.
This time the response was more desirable. Tell-tale sound of terror
and panic echoed through canteen as the slugs gasped and immediately
threw up their arms in surrender. Andy stopped over to the manager of
the restaurant.
Once more referring to Earth's culture, it wore a French chief hat
that worked as a wriggling dip-stick for the slug's terror.
"Who-who are you two?!" It slurred in a border-line Italian accent.
Andy pulled back and considered it for a moment.
"We're-" Rufus began, only to be quickly cut off by the armed and
dangerous cleaner. "My name is Toilet-man, destroyer of all things
putrid, smelly or otherwise undesirable. This is my associate,
Misnomer boy. Say hello to the nice Aliens Misnomer boy!"
Unfortunately, Rufus had quickly lost interest and was busy scrounging
food off a slug's plate. What? He didn't have breakfast!
"Hey, you, give me some of that chicken-." The teenager demanded the
poultry curtly, unfortunately he soon learnt otherwise… "Urgh this
isn't chicken, its kitten!! You make me sick!"
"Hey half-human, half-GELF, all-connoisseur; HURRY UP!! We don't have
time for the local delicacies!" Andy yelled as he grabbed the chief by
his funny white scarf. "You, Where's the control room!"
"WH-why do you-a want to go there…-a?" The questioned feebly.
Rufus answered by shaving a pair of chopsticks in its ear. "I don't
have to tell you anything, just show me to the smegging cockpit or
I'll cook YOU!!"
The Chef immediately wavered and led them away down the corridor, the
pair in close pursuit.
"Wow kid, didn't know you had it in you." Andy stated incredulously.
"Call me `kid' again and I'm make it look like an accident…" Rufus
replied dangerously, never exactly implying what `it' was.
The door to the control room was swung open. Rufus was almost already
upon the ugly technology in a half second. Smooth hands working
franticly to deceiver the technology.
"Well now-a that you don't-a need me anymore-" The slug began to slink
to the door, which was promptly blasted by a well-placed Bazookoid
fire. "-I'll just stay here and-a make you're-a alright!" It finished
in a drastically higher pitched voice.
"You okay mate?" Andy asked, getting a little impatient. It surely
wouldn't take long for the slugs to alarm the proper authorities.
"This whole smegging restaurant is held together worse than Janet
Jackson's outfit-." The teenager replied in frustration, prompting a
verbal protest from the owner and non-verbal bitch-slap to said owner
by Andy. "-So… it's pretty much just like Blue Dwarf. I've have it up
in a minute! Okay…heating engine active, cooling system nominal,"
Andy's eyes flicked from around the room, as Rufus began to rattle off
techno-babble that was completely his simple understanding. The more
the scientist spoke, the more the restaurant shook almost in
anticipation of its imminent launch. "Detaching hydraulic anchors…
thrusters heating… we have ignition!"
A fiery roar shook the ship as the Chinese restaurant slowly began to
pull itself away from the refueling station and into the heavily
polluted sky. A broad smile slowly crept up the sides of his mouth.
He'd done it, against all odds.
The manager/chef slug sagged in the corner. All hopes of escaped
dashed. Andy strolled over to the side windows of the cockpit and
squinted out the side. The cleaner smirked and pointed toward the
enormous Blue Mining craft. "Hey… I can see my house from here!"
<Tag chriskentlea! ... or to be continued>

< Prev : A Tribute to Dean Thomas Next > : *Action* - "Have a sandwich"