*Action* - "Have a sandwich"Posted by
Posted: Aug 19, 2007, 9:10am
Who: The Apophallationmaster
Where: The grand Mollopod palace
When: After the crew escaped from the blenders
The majestic Apophallationmaster sat on his throne looking like a
great big dollop of turd. His servants fed him regular snacks of fresh
kittens as his lardy body spilled over the edges of his seat.
"Enough with these meaningless snacks!" He shouted eventually. "When
is the first main course? I can't take any more of this fur in my
teeth. That's what I like about human meat, it's not too hairy. Except
for the builders, but I don't like offal."
A servant addressed him, and when he did so he kept his head bowed,
showing his respect to his master. "The humans have escaped from the
blenders your majesty."
"What?" he said angrily. The servant kept looking down, expecting a
beating over the bad news. Luckily none came as the
Apophallationmaster couldn't be bothered to move and just sat where he
"So no smoothies then?"
"No your majesty."
"Damn and blast it! I was looking forward to those. But are the attack
"Yes your majesty. The last few are fuelling up now. They will be
ready to launch on your command."
"Well we have the coordinates for Earth now, and the Blue Dwarf is
just sitting up in orbit. Have the attach ships launch into space and
get into formation with the Blue Dwarf, then take a team onto the Blue
Dwarf and create a wormhole to Earth."
The Apophallationmaster rubbed his hands together and drool came from
the corner of his mouth. "Ooh I can just taste that human meat now.
Which continent shall we start with?"
"I mean which people should we eat first? Chinese, Thai, Indian.
Moroccan? Ooh I fancy a big german sausage!" he drooled more, then
looked at the servant "What are you standing around for. Go launch
those attack ships!"
The servant walked off, then just before he reached the door, turned
and said "Sire, what about the crew that are fighting in the square?"
"Bring them to me in a large sandwich. I'm feeling peckish."
"Yes your majesty."
Who: Phil, Ingen Karpov, Mini-Phil, Amber, Chris Harris, Keto and
When: Few minutes after
Ingen Karpov was doing a great job of fighting back the enemy.
Although it was a tiring job. He paused to reload his Winchester when
they came, the dreaded elite guard. Trained to protect and do the
bidding of the Apophallationmaster himself. These were not the usual
Climbing to the highest positions possible in the crowd, they trained
their extremely accurate weapons on the tastiest looking of the
humans. They fired small darts of technology, the same used by the
floating robots on the Blue Dwarf. Once the darts made contact with
human skin they send a wireless message to the central Mollopod
transportation device which dematerialised the selected human from the
marketplace before they could remove the dart.
The crewmembers awoke in a meta processing factory a short distance
away near to the grand Mollopod palace.
Phil opened his eyes and blinked a few times. It took a moment to
realise that he was laying down, whereas seconds ago he had been stood
in a crowded marketplace fighting for his life. He was laying on a
moving conveyor belt, his hands tied to his sides. A ghastly bulging
face of a slug appeared in his view. It drooled as it looked over him
and the warm bead of saliva dribbled onto his face. "Where am I?" He
"It's not a case of where..." said the slug, salivating even more and
drippling all over him. "It's a case of what will you soon be. And
you'll soon be the main filling in that sandwich over there." he
pointed to a jumbo piece of bread.
Phil titled his head so that he could see where the conveyor was
taking him, and it didn't look good. Two sharp blades were slicing
their way across the conveyor, and he was heading straight into them.
"What about the others?" he asked.
The slug grinned as he pointed to other conveyors with more Blue Dwarf
crewmembers on them, heading for similar cutting devices.
The Mollopod attack ships started their engines and soared into the
sky. It was unusual to see ships shaped like restaurants fly, and each
one did lumber around awkwardly. Inside the chefs held on to the
rattling cutlery and crockery.
The ships approached the Blue Dwarf and a smaller ship (that looked
like a burger van) sailed up the the Blue Dwarf. It hovered around the
hanger bay doors for a while until the pilot inside obviously realised
that a lockdown was in place, so the small ship headed for the only
entry point. A Blue Midget-shaped hole in the jungle-like Arboretum.
It crashed through, shards of already broken glass scratching the
paintings of hotdogs and burgers on the sides.
Six Mollopod soldiers climbed out of the flying burger van after it
landed next to the abandoned Blue Midget.
The Blue Dwarf's Arboretum was a dangerous place where wild animals
roamed, and creatures seemed to have de-evolved to a previous for of
life. A creature something akin to what scientists (or anyone who has
seen 'Walking with beasts') would call a 'Hyaenodon' jumped out of the
jungle at them.
The Mollopods are a race that find it incredibly difficult to run or
move quickly because of all the pies they eat, but luckily they have
developed technology that means they don't need to. The carnivorous
predator lunged at the first Mollopod, but he was ready for it.
Instead of jumping out of the way like any athletic humanoid would do,
he merely fired his special weapon to the left and dematerialised,
materialising where the weapon was aimed. This was a branch of the
exact same technology used to teleport the Blue Dwarf crew to the
surface of their planet.
The prehistoric Hyaenodon was confused, but didn't waste any time in
lunging at the second Mollopod, it's razor sharp claws slashing
through the air.
The Mollopod fired his teleporter into the tree and appeared there,
looking down upon the creature as it spat out grass. The fat slug
pulled a grenade from his belt and threw it down at the creature,
exploding it into meat.
The third Mollopod scanned the area. "There are humans here." he said
<What happens next?>