Probing Pancake\'s polygon penis
SNIDE had been thoroughly enjoying hologrammatic status. As part of Lester's subconscious he was granted a 3D form in its original shape but so far had taken the form of Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine, a large warthog and a small Ford Cortina. Eventually Lester had slapped a restriction code over his and SNIDE's hologram pattern keeping them both locked into their default shapes.
Lester turned away from the tiny robot spider as it strained to grow hair on his desk and investigated who had put so many kitsch sci fi templates into the main program.
<snip>"Oi!" Justin said as he barged into Lester's quarters. Lester wasalready busy programming new graphics to make his quarters look nicer."Have a look at this nasty-looking bad boy. Can you make me somethingbetter?"
"Bwa? Huh? I uh," Lester's eyes opened like saucers and though he fought, FOUGHT not to look at the experiment in abstract biology being whopped out on the table in front of him his eyes kept drawing to it. "Is something wrong with uh... your.. uh... it?"
Justin frowned in perplexity, how could he not understand what had been done to his pride and joy?
"WRONG WITH IT! Course there's something smegging wrong with it! I need this to be in tip-top condition! Can you do anything for me?"
"Well... Uh... I could... I've got some emails in the spam filter I could let you have..."
"They don't work," Justin said immediately, "anyway, it's not supposed to look like this. It's supposed to be more.. complex."
"Right, oh, you mean, more detailed. Right, only, this is the beta version, you see and the immediate processing power required just in carrying out standard conversational patterns is currently blueberrying in the moose. Uh, I mean currently exceeding expectations. I can change your physical form, of course, but it's going to require a cost in something else. I can make your uh... your um.. the appendage... accurate, but we might have to uh, you know, reduce... uh that is we may have to use some old programming tricks to get the processing power required."
Lester thought about asking how badly this man wanted a proper penis. But he looked him over, taking in the fact that ten minutes into the conversation he was still cradling it like a stillborn puppy and decided not to go there. Ever.
"We uh... we just need to um agree on a .. um... pattern." SNIDE skittered across the desk and started tapping keys on the board. Suddenly a folder opened up with somewhere in the region of several hundred thousand high-res images.
"No SNIDE! Sort to exclude lesbians! EXCLUDE!" He turned to Justin, "sorry, he's a bit... single minded." Lester returned to the screen. "OK, sort them by rating. Take out colour preference. That one's a gibbon!" He then turned his desktop screen to Justin which held a display of three aggressively fit young men all in the process of having a sexual act carried out by a pretty young girl with a vacant expression.
Justin gawped. "Can I get a download? Uh, I mean an upgrade?" Lester frowned so Justin leaned over the desk (Lester leaned back) as Justin explained his idea quietly.
Twenty minutes later, Justin was strolling down the corridors of the Enlightenment a lot happier. His arms were now constructed of simple polygons, covered in the repeating pattern of his uniform which was now no longer removable, the cuffs blending into the wrists in a fuzzy line as if someone had drawn the uniform in MS paint. Justin was grinning however, and using his arms to hold some sort of balance occasionally as he half strutted/ half limped along with what appeared to be a large vegetable of some sort down one leg of his trousers.
Lester turned to SNIDE after Justin had lurched out of his room. "Some people have the strangest ideas," he sighed as returned to the program to try and help poor Efof's sense of identity. "I don't remember anyone saying how ... fixated the crew were!"
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