Re: Wolfgang Sweetsly – Whatever next

Who: Wolfgang Sweetsly, Baby Alota and Queen Brittany
Where: A stone room
When: After Alota "burrowed" Wolfgang into this place
Thinking for a moment he surmised that somebody was probably taking a bath, and whoever is singing was certainly no David Hasselhoff, he then stepped quietly towards a door in the room that he was in which was that was slightly ajar and peeked through the gap.
<end snip>
Sure as he though, there was someone in the bath, singing quite melodically. Wolfgang didn't want to be seen to be prying, but a glimpse of a tanned female leg poking out of a steaming hot bath caught his attention. He pressed his body against the stone wall and leaned around the corner.
He could see a woman sat in the bath, stark naked, her blonde hair was straight and wet, and clung to her shoulders. The the warm steamy water making her skin shiny and golden.
As Wolfgang watched, she ran a cloth over herself, doing it slowly and provocatively. She ran it over her exposed breasts, and then ran the cloth down in between them. Wolfgang knew this was every straight man's dream, but wasn't sure what to do. Then he noticed something.
He recognised those breasts. He's once seen them in a filthy magazine on a train station floor. He recognised her as Queen Brittany.
"I know you're there." Brittany cooed to him.
Wolfgang's heart pounded. He didn't realise she knew he was there. He felt like a real pervert.
Awkwardly he stumbled out from the shadows and into the room where Queen Brittany was sat in a large rusty-metal bath.
"I...I'm sorry, I...I..." He stumbled. Not sure what to do. Brittany faced him, her breasts were exposed and Wolfgang found it hard to look anywhere else.
Brittany loved that this made him feel awkward. She smiled at him with her best seductive eyes, and even battered her eyebrows for full flirting effect. "Come over here." She said. "Closer."
Wolfgang sat awkwardly on the edge of the bath. Metal baths in the 12th Century weren't very glamorous, but this seemed sturdy enough for him to prop himself against. He automatically faced the other way so that he wasn't staring at the woman's massively distracting breasts.
"Is that your baby?" Wolfgang asked. "I found it in the woods. I didn't know her name, so I called her 'Ann'. Because of the initials A.N on her clothes."
Brittany laughed slightly. "I don't have children silly." She paused, as she ran a wet finger up and down his arm. Wolfgang froze with nerves. He was being stroked by Queen Brittany! The favourite pin-up girl of white van men and builders. If this romantic encounter went well he could have bragging rights for a very long time.
"I would like some though. Do you want to help me?" She purred in a soft voice. Wolfgang heard the ripple of water as she lifted herself out of the bath, then he felt warmth as she pressed her wet breasts against his back and started rubbing them up and down.
Wolfgang almost chocked himself with excitement.
"JESUS CHRIST! What are you doing?!" Yelled another voice. Brittany fell back into the bath and covered herself up, Wolfgang leaped to his feet and didn't know where to turn to run.
Seymour Niples stood in the doorway with his fists on his waist. "Who are you? Brittany, what are you doing to this poor man?!"
Wolfgang quickly saluted. "Wolfgang Sweetsly sir. JMC Blue Dwarf!"
Seymour waited a minute for the salute to finish, it seemed to go on for an eternity.
"You're who?" Brittany yelled, as she got up out of the bath. Seymour averted his eyes and quickly wrapped a towel around his Queen. "I thought you were a Duke, or a Lord!"
Sweetsly shrugged. "Sorry. I'm a Health and Safety officer."
"God dammit!" Brittany said, and slammed her fist down on the metal bath. "I wanted you to be the Duke that lives here, so that I could marry you and live a happy and very wealthy life. Did I mention wealthy?"
Wolfgang looked around the stone room they were in. Ornate swords and shields were hung on the walls, as well as several stuffed deer heads. "So... who does live here?" He asked.
"We're not sure." Seymour said. "...And I don't think we should stay here any longer. I wanted to find Captain Chrysler, but m'lady over there wanted a hot bath. It took me several hours just to chop the wood. Then light the wood. Then fetch several buckets of water. Then boil the water."
Brittany hugged Seymour and squeezed him tight. "Aww, you're my favourite Royal Ambassador!"
"I'm an Ambassador ma'am. Not a skivvy! I should not be warming up water for a royal bath!"
"Get used to it Seymour, we're in the 12th Century now, and there might not be any way back. You might have to make me a bath every single day."
Seymour groaned. Then he noticed something across the room. A cloud of dust came out of the large fireplace. Seymour flinched, but stepped towards it.
"What's that? Is it a dragon?"Brittany asked.
Seymour leaned down and pulled something small out of the fireplace. It was Baby Alota covered in soot.
"Aww, it's a little black baby!" Said Brittany. "Can I adopt it?"
Seymour wiped the soot off the child's face, and she giggled at the touch. "No, it's baby Alota!" Seymour shouted with glee, and hugged the baby tight in his arms. He swing her around, and hoped the child wouldn't create another wormhole when he did.
"Alota?" Said Wolfgang. "I thought she was called Ann."
"Why?" Seymour said.
"Because it says so on her clothes. Look. A.N. Ann."
"Alota Niples you scumbag commoner!" Shouted Seymour. "Don't you know how initials work?!"
Wolfgang looked at the ground in shame.
Seymour swung his daughter around a few more times, she laughed and giggled, and Seymour seemed so glad that he'd found her again.
"Seymour... what's that?" Brittany said, as he swung his daughter around his head.
"That, just above her nappy."
As Seymour had been spinning her, the nappy had come loose, revealing a fluffy white tail attached to Alota's behind.
"It looks like a rabbit's tail!" Brittany said in shock.
"We can't all be perfect you know!" Seymour shot back.
Meanwhile, Wolfgang was peering out of the stained glass window at the front of the small stone house. It looked out onto a lawn, and a driveway.
"I can hear horses!" He shouted suddenly. "Yes... two, four, no six horses coming this way. They're armed with swords and crossbows."
Seymour put Alota down on the ground, where she stood shakily. "Alota. Can you create a wormhole for us to escape?" He said slowly and in a baby voice.
She burped, then clapped her hands in excitement.
"Very good Alota. I think you get that from your mother's side. Like the tail. But can you create a wormhole for us? Worm-hole."
Alota dribbled, then yawned.
"Worm-hole?" Seymour said.
Alota crawled away and hid behind a tapestry.
"They're almost at the house!" Wolfgang shouted.
"I think I've just found out who they are." Said Brittany, holding up a scroll of yellowed writing paper. "These scrolls are addressed to the Sheriff of Nottingham. This is his hunting lodge."
Seymour smacked his face. Then hid.
<Tag Wolfgang!>

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