"Don't Stop Me Now!" pt2

Slithmorphin, one day later.

Rosette, Rufus, Efof, Davie, Justin filed into the Flight Deck towards a Star
Bug waiting in the center of the landing gantry. The walked briskly up the ramp
into the ship and Holly's face appeared on a wall mounted screen. "Right dudes,"
he began, "ready for the jungle of the planet of the guilt-snakes?"
"As ready as we'll ever be," said Amber, "just open the doors and we'll be
"Right then."
"Hey Hol?" cut in Davie, "You wouldn't happen to know where Harvey is would
"Harvey? My scans show that he's no longer aboard Blue Dwarf."
"That's what I get. Wherever he's at, it's not here."
Davie hummed thoughtfully to himself as he scratched at his forehead, the
bandage dropping off into his hand to reveal the small cut beneath.

* * *

The Starbug had deposited a team in a dense jungle, so their ship wasn't spotted
by JMC radar. They had a few hours walk before they reached the human settlement
and the JMC base.
"Remind me again why we're here?" Justin asked Davie.
"To kick some JMC ass!" Davie said enthusiastically. Next to him, Rufus showed
him a map of the base on his psi-scanner. He pointed to the large comminications
tower. "T-t-t-he location of the J-J-J-JMC HQ is a secret. We need to find where
they are to s-s-s-stop them." He then showed them a photo of a box that looked a
lot like a wifi router. "This box encrypts their location data. If we
c-c-c-collect this, I can find their HQ."

"Then we can kick some JMC ass!" Said Davie.
"So what are the 'guilt-snakes'?" Efof asked, peering through the jungle
wondering if he'll see any.
"T-t-t-they change their s-s-shape to something that will make you feel guilty."
Rufus explained. "It's a d-d-d-distraction technique before they -k-k-k-kill

Seymour continued to crawl towards him, and threw a disembodied leg towards him.

One after another, came the victims that he'd killed whilst working for the JMC
Nazis. The ones he'd shot and killed, and the ones he'd executed. He fell to his
knees and started to cry.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry everyone! I'm a bad person – okay?"
He buried his face into the soil, and each of them got closer.

When he lifted his head up to take a fresh breath between sobbing, he saw a new
figure standing the closest. It was a tall man with bushy eyebrows and a cape.
"I'm so disappointment in you!" Said Potential. "You could have been so much
more, I showed you what a great man you could have been. You could have been a
Captain, you could have forged the future of the JMC, side by side with
Eckerslike you could have ruled the galaxy with the Hymenoptera! But look at you
now. You're nothing. You're just a snivelling little goit that nobody likes on a
starship that the entire galaxy wants to destroy. You're worthless. What are
"I'm worthless!" Justin sobbed.
"WORTHLESS!" Potential repeated.

Justin cried and spread his arms out wide. "Okay. I'm worthless. Come and eat me
you stupid snakes! Come and eat meeeeeeeeee!"

The figures all changed back into their natural form. 6 foot snakes with razor
sharp teeth. The closest one reared up and brought its mouth down onto Justin's
head. It crunched through his skull and swallowed.
A second snake took a bite out of his body, pulling at it whilst another tugged
from the other side. Eventually they ripped his body into two pieces, and
stripped flesh from his bones until all that was left was a sad looking

A guilty looking skeleton.

Efof's bazukoid almost overheated as he attacked the jungle. Every tree in the
immediate surroundings was on fire. He didn't stop until Rosette touched his
"I think you got them." She reminded him.
"Oh yeah!" Said Efof, surveying the damage. The ground was soft from pulp from
destroyed foliage, or splattered Guilt-snakes. Efof trudged over to Justin's
body and put all four hands over his mouth.

"We're too late." He said.
Davie walked up next to him. "A lot too late!" he said, looking at the skeleton.
Every bit of flesh had been picked off Pancake's bones.
A tear rolled down Efof's face and he scrunched up his face. Rosette touched him
gently on the shoulder. "I'm sorry I didn't realise you were friends."
"We weren't. He chopped my hand off once.... Twice. But I forgive him for that.
I'm crying because I want to think of something really funny to say about his
last name but all I can think of is 'flat as a Pancake' but it doesn't fit."
"Oh, sorry." Said Rosette.
Just then, one of the trees that had been on fire fell down onto Justin's
skeleton, crushing it.
"Yes! Flat as a pancake!" Efof said, then turned around and walked towards the

The city on Slithmorphin was deserted.

On every street it looked like there had been a battle. Dead Guilt-snakes laid
everywhere, next to JMC personnel, the kind with the Nazi-style armbands.
"What happened here?" Efof asked.
"I guess it's their own stupid fault making a city next to such dangerous
animals." Said Davie. "It's a bit like Australia really."

"It c-c-c-converts things into s-s-s-s-something else." Said Rufus.

Rosette asked "What does it do?" Whilst Efof placed his ear against the machine
to see if he could hear what was going on inside.

"It c-c-c-converts things into s-s-s-s-something else." Said Rufus.
After about a minute, the machine finished, and the conveyor belt started again.
Something was coming out of the machine. Efof leaped back and got his gun ready,
they didn't know what sort of monster the creature could have turned into.
Presumably something worse, possibly more hideous than the thing that went in.

"Transmogrification complete." Announced the computer.

"Bonjour!" Said Castillo.
"Castillo!" One of them said, their voice being transmitted through the
monitors. "We thought the factory had been compromised."

Castillo was quiet, she simply puffed her cigarette.

The board of directors continued. "Our plan is almost complete. The JMC have
taken over the entire galaxy. There's only one starship that resists us, the JMC
Blue Dwarf-"

That was when Rosette sprang to action. "That's just 'Blue Dwarf' now." She
said, jumping out of the shadows with her gun pointing at Castillo's head. "We
don't like the first few letters any more."
"What's going on?" Cried one of the board, peering through the TV screen.
"Mon dieu!" Cried Castillo.

Rosette was preparing to say something menacing and witty to the board of
directors when Castillo started to judder. Her skin started to bubble and she
dropped to her knees. Her flesh bulged and eventually she exploded, spraying
grey goo all over the team.
"What happened?" Rosette asked.
Rufus already had his PS-scanner out. "The t-t-t-t-transmogrification didn't
h-h-hold. It was only programmed for one s-s-s-species."

"I've f-f-f-found the location they're b-b-broadcasting from. I can also adjust
the p-p-p-picture."
The figures on the TV screen were no longer dark shadows. It was as if a light
had been cast on them, revealing not Human faces but hairy ape-like faces.

"The K-K-K-K-Kinitawowi." Rufus said. "A race of G-G-G-GELF bred to be
quartermasters on d-d-d-deep space s-s-s-starships..."

Efof felt two thuds hit the ground outside. He peered out of the entrance and
saw two dropships embedded into the pavement. Doors opened on each side of the
ships and an army of furry Kinitawowi came towards them, brandishing large
curved swords.

"I think it's time to go." Efof said, pushing everyone further into the factory.
"I hope this place has another exit."
<End Snip(s)>

When: Right now!

"C-c-cover me!" shouted Rufus, snatching Efof's Bazookoid out of his hands and
popping open a panel that covered the inner workings of the transmogrification
machine. Davie dropped down behind a large pile of crates and opened fire on the
advancing crowd of Kinitawowi warriors. "What are you doing!?" asked Amber
quickly, shouting over the sound of gunfire erupting from Rosette and Davie's
assault rifles. "I'm s-s-splicing these together to m-m-make a weapon!" Rufus
exasperatedly replied as he quickly jammed a section of cable into the machine,
fusing it in place with a pocket welder.
"Rufus, now isn't the time! We have to--"
"Got it!" shouted Rufus, cutting her off. He tossed the Bazookoid, now coupled
with the trransmog machine to Efof. "What did you do to my Bazookoid!?"
"J-j-just aim and shoot!"
Efof took aim at the nearest Kinitawowi warrior and fired. A pulsating blue and
green beam shot out of the gun mining laser like lighting, and as it connected
with it's target, flashed in a bright display of color. Efof released the
trigger and looked up. "A swan!?" he shouted, and the swan leapt into the air
flapping it's wings wildly. It landed on Davie's head and he shouted, grabbing
it by the neck. "Rufus! What the hell!?" called Davie as he wrestled with the
swan. He threw it away from himself and it turned it's attention to Efof. The
swan grappled onto one of his four arms and as he tried to shake the creature
off, the swan twisted it's body in an awkward manner, snapping the bone Efof's
arm. "Ahh!" he cried, and the swan exploded, covering him a warm, grey liquid.
"Something else!" called Amber as Davie picked his rifle back up and took aim to
fire again at the Kinitawowi.
Rufus twisted an adjustment screw in the machine and Efof fired again. The
warrior he hit turned into a gigantic octopus. "NO!" they all shouted in unison.
The mutant octopus grabbed Davie, Rosette and Amber by the legs and began
swinging them wildly around the room. It exploded and they fell hard to the
floor. Rufus again twisted the screw and Efof fired. The beam went clear out the
door and hit the first of the two Kinitawowi drop ships, turning it into a
building sized orange that rolled forward and blocked the door way, but not
before several dozen warriors ran inside.
"The last thing we need is a bunch fruits rolling on top of us!" shouted Davie.
Rufus gave the machine a final hard kick in it's side and Efof held down the
trigger, sweeping the beam across the room. All of the Kinitawowi warrior that
hadn't been shot turned into action figure sized versions of Castillo. The tiny
Castillo's charged at them as fast as their tiny legs could carry. The machine
groaned and sputtered, dying in a final tantrum of electrical bursts.
"Th-th-th-thst's it!" shouted Rufus. The tiny Castillo's continued to rush
forward, but were so small that the automatic gunfire from the group wasn't
hitting barely any of them. "Alright Castillo," Davie said, taking his rifle by
the barrel, "Let's have a ball!"
He swung the rifle like a cricket bat, the rest of the group imitating, sending
Castillo's flying. The Castillo's charged, thick and fast, and began climbing up
the Dwarfer's pant legs. They stomped frantically, shaking them off, squishing
Castillo's one after another with their boots, resulting in a very large mess of
gray staining their clothes.
After the last of the tiny JMC Barbie's had been squashed, Davie, Efof,
Rosette, Amber and Rufus stood breathless. "`Let's have a ball?'" asked Rosette,
"Was that the best you could think of?" she said with a smile. Davie shrugged,
and reloaded his rifle. The gigantic orange blocking the door way exploded
inwards knocking them all backwards.
Through the door they could see the steaming barrel of a ship to ship combat
weapon attached to the second of the two Kinitawowi dropships zeroing in on
them. "Ahaha…How fair is that!?" Efof whined. "Run!" ordered Amber, "Out the
Davie threw a series of smoke grenades into the entrance way to block the
gunner's view long enough for them to escape.

<Tag Onion!>

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