Alternative Lifestyle P1

Cool Stone Chambers

Jamie’s twin sister, sorry, double, got a bit impatient with me, so in the end I let the others trim my hair, just a bit. No smeggin’ way they’re loppin’ it off short, though.
The evil version of Jade was pretty pissed off at being tied up and having her identity stolen and all that, but she still bothered to join in with the others, telling me that my hair-cut refusal made me sound ‘mAnstrual’, and that I was being a baby.
Huh. Her husband, er, me – other me - might think he’s all macho, with those stupid pumped up pecs, but he’s the biggest baby I think I’ve ever seen.
Apart from Seymour.

Jamie seemed to find it all quite funny. Yeah, well, it’s not his hair, is it? I notice they’re not chopping his ponytail off! Not that there’s a reason to. Mind you, his beard’s gone… They made me shave, too, but I didn’t mind that bit.
I’m glad I don’t think Jamie’s the corporal anymore. I’ve been… Confused.
If I’m honest I am still a bit punchy, but now that we’re away from the tun- … From the dark place… I’m feeling a bit clearer. I got too much to think about at the moment to let it get me. Pushing it away, holding it off, best I can.

Two (well, I call him Two, Jade calls him Twalex, which she says stands for Twit-Alex… I think she means Twat Alex but is too nice to say), anyway, his precious and ‘merciful’ Sun ‘God’ is planning to drain the Dwarfers of their blood or take their souls or something, in order to open a gateway.
Well, he sounds like a completely sane barrel of laughs.

So there’s that to deal with. Bit tricky. The fact that we don’t know where all of our party are, or how many other 'alternates' are knocking about, doesn't help matters.

But perhaps the most shocking thing, is that in this universe Jade and I are married.
How do I process that? I don’t quite know what to make of it yet. It has… currently unspoken… implications.

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Market

We walked through the market-place with Lady Jamie ‘guarding’ us and Man-Jamie pretending to be another guard - Hasina having knocked out Poo and Kitten (bleh)’s real guard, and taken his outfit. In keeping with most of the other clothes here, his outfit is pretty skimpy. Hasina found this amusing. He did not, enquiring why he couldn't have just kept his previous costume on. Hasina asked where the fun in that was.

Hasina is pretty much the one in control, and seems to know what’s going on more than the rest of us. We’re sort of just doing what she says. We’re out and about because she thought ‘Alexander and Jaahday’ might be useful to gather some information. She also wants to find and talk to 'Anubis' - who is Jaxx's alternate.
From chatting awkwardly with the locals – having to act like a couple of prats to convince them we're the wally versions of us - we’ve learned that Ra is having a great feast tonight, and we are invited to attend. Hasina says being 'invited' by Ra means ‘you go or you die’. Lovely.

We got a few weird looks when we first got here. Probably ‘cause I had clothes on, and wasn’t letting everything hang loose like I imagine Two does. Gods, it’s like having a weirdo family member that you’re ashamed of. Only he’s me. Great.

At one point when a suspicious looking group were staring directly at us, Jade suddenly put on a bit of a display, climbing all confidently onto some fruit boxes to grab my face and give me a kiss.
That was very nice.
After that, the locals seemed satisfied and went back to their business. I guess Twalex and wife must do that sort of thing all the time.

Afterwards Jade got all babbly, like she was embarrassed. It made me smile because she seemed like a teenager. She blurted out that when she’d kissed Two, she’d thought that my oral hygiene was better. I cringed on his behalf. Maybe there was some food in his mouth! Unless she meant there'd been a strawberry in his gob, that’s... disgusting. Maybe he tastes of that weird stuff I saw him smoking.
She also said we kiss differently. Wonder what that means. I wanted to ask but the moment was lost before I could.
The doc seems to hate Twalex, but I think she fancies him a bit as well.
Hmm.

People keep greeting me with his stupid name. What does he call himself again? … (Mister) Alexander Noble Chief Craftsman of the Most Honourable and Worthy Sun God Ra – that’s it.
When I moaned about it, Jade told me that the fact he likes to be known by such a long title, and yet calls me the shortest version of my name possible, means that he’s insecure, self-important, and wanted to put me down.

I’m no psy-thingy-ist, but even I coulda told her that.

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<To be continued shortly. I have a long phone call to make in the middle of writing, but 2 other little parts will be up later.>

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