[Flashback Week] - 3 Phils and a Dinosaur

ooc:Posted as part of Flashback Week (Where you post about something in your characters past) - In this exciting episode we find out just why Phil has such a fear of Barney the Dinosaur...

Where:London, England
Time:Approx 25-30 years before maiden voyage of Blue Dwarf
Featuring:Phil Febuggure, Mini-Phil and a certain purple dinosaur.

It had been acheived. Phil had found the perfect kebab. From across time and space he had gathered the ingredients - a pita bread from Largos-8, chilie sauce from Pompeii just before the eruption and meat that Phil wasnt sure if it was lamb or horse and a weird hybrid of the two, plus herbs and spices from a certain kebab shop in South East London- based on a recipe he developed with help from Leonardo da Vinci, the man who truely invented the kebab but refused to publish this fact after Phil bribed him(To keep the recipe safe). Now he just had to return it to the Blue Dwarf.

Which was proving to take longer then expected due to the prescnce of the mini-statis chamber keeping the kebab at the optimal temperature of "f'ing hot" (Da Vinci's words after trying a bit) and the extra passenger. The journeys they made were a bit erratic, but they was at least vaguley following Phil's time line. For some reason though they had ended up in a TV studio parking lot in South London.Having nothing else to do while the TF recharged they went inside got into a random audience que. After a short while they were seated.

"Look the time fridge needs time, hah, to recharge. This should be the last jump, then we can harness the temporal energy of the orginal time fridge and sling us back to the proper time frame." Phil said the his midget clone as he was sitting down.


"I know. Da Vinci's recipe is bloody genius, no in fact, it's perfect! Was a bit surprised to find you there and what you was doing. Still it explains why the Mona Lisa has that odd smile on her face.."


"Ahh so it was a time duplicate and not the 'real' you that led to that colony of midgets we found?..Makes sense...anyway, i think once we get out of this smegging place, I can take the most perfect kebab in all of history and duplicate it"


"Why do i want to leave so quickly? Well, 1-I'm sober, 2-Temporal interfeance etc and 3 - I need to take a large dum..."

Phil's voice went quite and he pointed. He suddenly worked out where..and when... he was.

The curtain around the stage had been pulled back and there was a kids tv show set on display. Phil quickly looked around, and what he thought was a bunch of loud midgets and dwarfs, was, in fact, children.

"Oh smeg..smeg ...We need to leave....now!"


Turning MP's head towards a family right at the front of the stage, MP saw what big Phil was pointing at.

It was Phil, much much younger (about 6 or 7) with his mum and dad. And a party hat on.

"Today's the day.. *IT* happens..I can't live through this twice...not again!"

Picking MP under his arm and the stasis-lunch box under the other, he ran outside, banging into things and back to the car-park, and into the fridge, much to the odd looks of those nearby. The time fridge was only partial charged, so he flipped a switch, putting into "long journey time/slow defrost" mode.

"E?" asked MP as the fridge begin it's long temporal journey back to Phil's, well, present.

"I never did tell you did I?"


"Well it was today that the biggest fear of my life was made manifest..."

{{wibbly wobbly flasback type thing goes here}}

Young Phil (reffered to as YP from now on) was sitting happily. It was going to be the best day of his life! His birthday treat from mum and dad was a visit to the studio of his favourite show, being filmed in London for the first time , Barney the Dinosaur. He was so excited he thought he was about to wet himself.

His mum saw his face and griined "You excited to see Barney?"

"EEE!!" YP squeeled..forgetting how to talk for a sec.

"I mean..mum, dad...this is brilliant..I get to see my favourite TV character EVER..Dad...what you looking at?"

Phil's dad turned back round - "Not much..just looked like a drunk hobo carrying out a midget and a lunchbox.."


"Never mind...You enjoying today then? Just don't get too exited otherwise you'll soil ya self again. You do that and i'll put you on the roof rack on the way home. That smell was awful last time.."

Phil's mum gave "the look" - "He gets that from you"

"Damm right he does!" and gave his son a hug.

It should be pointed out that this was the point Phil banged into the 'something'. Picture a rube goldberg like machine, with a chain reaction.
The result was not going to be pretty. The sections that detail this are marked with [ ]

== Backstage == (This part was unknown originall to adult Phil but was revealed later through mystical and arcane methods..aka he asked his dad)

Albert T. Wandsworth the 3rd, 3 times nominated for the "Geldof Acting Award", character actor extrodinare, was reduced to this..performing as a purple dinosaur.for children *shudder*

[The something turned out to be a can]

He hated children..if it wasnt the fact that Phil's dad had purchased the TV station so his son could watch a performance for his birthday, he wouldn't have to be here. He was told "do this or you never work in acting ever again!" by the childs dad. He hated the kid already.

[The can rolled down the aisle and backstage]

The more he thought about, the more his rage at having to do the role he despised the most started to build. So he had a plan. He would run out and scare the little smegger. Taking a quick peek he saw the child asking his dad something. Perfect. He could see them in the front row.

[The can banged into a table]

Albert put on the costumes head. Asking a passaing stage hand "Fred, I want to say hello to the new owners kid as a surprise, what's his name?" "err.Phil i think", replied the stage hand.

[The table knocked against a balancing ladder]

The plan was perfect, he would coming running out and scare the little git into making a mess of himself.

[The ladder knocked against a light, causing it to spark]

What could possibly go wrong?

[The sparks went everywhere, some landing on the head of the costume Albert was in]

Now should he go with the useuall sing-song voice, or something more...evil..and demonic?

[More sparks landed...a small flame devloped on the costume head, but the insulatio prevented the heat from being noticed]

Yes, demonic should loosen the brat child up a bit.He could always blame it on the voice processor.

[The flame got larger]

The intro music was starting..

[Whoomp! the head was now in full flame]

Something smelt funny to Albert. Must be this old suit he thought. Makes me sweat like a pig, feels like it's on fire...

The intro music started and Albert started shambling towards the stage as fast as the suit would allow him, arms raised like a zombie.

==== YP perspective ====

The intro music had finished. The star of the show was almost here. The door opened.....

Running towards Phil was the most demonic thing YP had ever, or would ever see. Barney the dinosaur, it's head aflame like something from ghost rider, pointing at him and screaming "PHIL!!!!" in a demonic voice.

This was the point that YP, after screaming in a pitch that should not be possible for a human to scream in, blacked out. Then soiled himself.

{{Wibbly Wobbly ends here}}

"So after that I woke up, apprantly the guy in the suit was fired, my dad shut down the TV studio and made sure that Barney the Dinosaur was classifed as "dangeous materials"


"So yeah i'm kinda the reason why BTD is no longer allowed to ever be broadcast"

MP grinned

"It still scares the crap out of me today. All i see is this demonic thing on fire running towards me..It's horrible..."

MP nodded. The almost telepathic link MP and Phil shared meant that MP was not a fan of said dinosaur in general. Goats on the otherhand,well.....

"You tell anyone, even Jay why ..and I swear I'll drop you into a passing singularity...Now, lets gets this kebab back to the dwarf...no not you,put your hand down"

Ze End (Of this story at least)

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