How to Build a M.A.C.O. (Flashback Week)

Your name: John J. Garcia

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Dr. James Ozzbourne’s Medical Log Project: M.A.C.O. (Military Altered-Human Combat Operatives)

Location: Blue Dwarf

Synopsis: Create elite super soldiers using DNA from elite Marine men and sharks.

Day 1
I arrived on the Blue Dwarf today. As expected the ships is full of incompetent nimrods especially the women who think that they can do what ever they want because they are pretty. I also saw my new lab and met the other doctors I will be working with. Dr. Carson who is a poor excuse for a scientist. All he seems to care about is flirting with the female personnel. Dr. Henderson has to be borderline retarded. He seems to be completely oblivious to the basic concepts of protocol and proper research. We also have two lab assistants who have the IQ of 1 between the both of them. I think I am being set up for failure. At least they didn’t send me any women on my staff. I have enough problems as it is.

Month 2
We have managed to combine the shark and human DNA without destroying our sample for once. I swear they sent me inept people on purpose. We are already behind schedule since the lab assistants mistook our first samples for their Jello snacks. We had to stop everything to send the two imbeciles to the medical facility to have their stomachs pumped. Oddly enough the experiment left them with a light blue pigment on their skin.

Month 3
We managed to grow our first prototype MACO. However we had to terminate after it ate the two inept lab assistants who decided to hand feed it vegetables as a joke. Dr. Henderson’s calculation on balancing the DNA from the shark and human was not balanced with 90% shark and 10% man. I submitted a request for real scientists to help get us back on schedule.

Month 5
We grew a 2nd prototype MACO and lowered the shark DNA to 50% and this time it ate Dr. Henderson while he was trying to inspect its teeth and had to be put down. Dr. Carson could have helped if he was constantly getting beat up by the female staff for sexual harassment. I had to submit another request more staff.

Month 7
After growing 5 more prototypes we found the MACOs to have very high aggression levels. Each one seemed to be more aggressive than before. After reviewing Dr. Carson’s notes I found the smeghead was increasing the shark DNA percentage and lowering the human DNA. I would have killed the git myself if the last MACO didn’t beat me to it.

Month 9
Finally my replacement crew has arrived. My new staff consists of Dr. Michaels who is very smart but extremely lazy. I constantly catch him playing video-games on our computers when he is suppose to be monitoring our progress. Dr. Eliopolus would be extremely competent if he were a lab assistant. We would get more work done if he wasn’t such a clean freak. The imbecile sterilized our samples 10 times already because “The tank was dirty”. Then last and least we have Dr. Angelica Reed. Just what I need a semi intelligent harlot who will distract my staff with her feminine charms and half baked ideas

Month 10
I swear the whole world is against me. I can’t get my staff to stop playing video-games or hitting on Dr. Reed. That woman is nothing but trouble and to make things worse I think the wench has some kind of fetish for smart men. She won’t leave me alone.

Month 12
I think I am loosing my mind. I can’t get any work done because that crazy woman won’t leave me alone. She somehow found out about my gynophobia and hounds me constantly for affection. If I didn’t know better that woman charmed her way to my personnel file. I tried to talk with the captain but he is too busy to trying to get an involuntary sex change reversed for some of his crew. These people don’t care that my career is on the line.

Month 16
I think I am loosing my mind. I haven’t slept in 2 weeks because we are so far behind schedule and that crazy woman doctor won’t leave me alone. Last night I found a trail of cabbages leading to my room and when I opened the door I found a large present and several cabbages in my room. After I carefully opened the present Dr. Reed jumped out wearing nothing but cabbage leaves and chased me around my room till I escaped back to my lab. I can’t believe she found out my love for cabbage and used it against me like that.

Month 18
Eureka we have made a successful prototype. I can’t believe the incompetent crew actually did something right for a change. Unfortunately Dr. Reed was responsible for the modifications that led to our success. That night I found a trail of her lab notes leading to my room and when I opened the door I found her wearing nothing but lab notes on my bed. Now she is using my love of science against me. I am not sure how long I can hold out without proper sleep.

Month 20
We have made 10 fully functional MACOs that are combat ready. Now we are working on the Master Chief MACO. This one will be smarter and programmed with leadership software. Dr. Michaels has made a lot of success with his software despite his constant need to play video-games. Dr. Reed insisted we celebrate our success with a party in the lab. I was opposed to the idea but the staff insisted.

Month 20 the following day
I am a nervous wreck today. I woke up on the lab table to find Dr. Reed and myself only wearing a lab coat. I swear she spiked my drink to weaken my defenses. I seriously doubt I can get a hangover from just tea, even if it came from some place called Long Island. My head is pounding and the lab is a mess. I took something for the pain and cleaned up the lab. Then I scrubbed down in the shower to get that woman’s smell off me. Unfortunately Dr. Reed found me and chased around and pinned me down. She is surprisingly strong for a petite woman. Dr. Reed is now acting like we are married and said if I don’t love her she will press charges for sexual harassment using our security footage to ruin my career. I tried to complain to the Captain, but he was rambling on about some Cadmium leak being more important. With all the commotion I almost forgot that today is the day we run the MACO squad through some physical training exercises. We can include the Master Chief MACO after his programming is finished tomorrow. After the training exercise I plan on telling Dr. Reed can have her way over my dead body.

Story title: How to Build a M.A.C.O.

Name of your roleplay character (featured in this story): Jaxx

Name of roleplaying game: Blue Dwarf

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