CW - Nonsensical Ramblings Of The Mentally Sloshed

CW by Xan and Tib
<He's Back!>

"So, what now?" asked Holly.

There was a period of silence.

"Wanna get sloshed?" Boyd proposed. The group agreed, and the waitress-bot came over with a tray of overly garnished drinks.

"To Artie, and to another fifty years of avoiding the CFTCOAH....go knows they'll find us eventually" said Boyd.

Nikola poked his head out from his hiding place, fascinated by the array of colors ahead of him. He tried to grab the drink from his father.

"Nikola, no! Your mother would format my hard-drive!" Artemis said, sliding the drink out of the Skuttling's reach.

"Drink wench, get me a Sprite for the wee-one" Boyd said to the emotionless wait-bot. "Tonight, we forget that there's almost no food and we'll all probably starve to death very soon!"

"Here here!" the group chanted.

Boyd raised his can in cheer, his beer spilling as he raised it. He downed the little bit that was left in the can and moved towards the cooler for another. He grunted as he reached down to grab another from the bottom of the cooler. He grunted again as he closed it and sat on the lid. Before opening it, he noticed a collection of Artemis' kin growing in front of him. They stared at Boyd, they didn't move or anything, simply watching him. Boyd chuckled,

"You kids want something to look at?" He asked, there was no answer,

"Alright then," He said. He took a key he had in his pocket and began to carve a hole in the bottom side of the can,

"I learned this while on a flight to Mars with TitanGo." He said. The can hissed and began to spit out beer, he immediately covered the hole with his mouth. Boyd popped the tab on the can, it hissed and foamed. He coughed as he shotgunned the entire can with the skutters watching. He thought they seemed amazed at it. As he finished, he could barely breathe on the account he was holding his breath the entire time,

"I got one more for you. Check this out," He said. He took the can in his palm and slammed it against his forehead. He made the can completely flat as a coin and threw it on the ground in front of the kids. He laughed as Artemis approached him as well,

"Go on and play hockey with that or something." Boyd said laughing

The Skuttlings poked and prodded at the can before Athena picked it up and chucked it at a nearby Guinea child, sparking a game of “can tag”

“My science Boy, that’s...I don’t want to say incredible but...damn. You’re like a professional Frat Boy” Artemis said, admiring the flattened can as it went from skuttling to rodent, somehow retaining its shape.

“What a coincidence, I was called Frat Boyd at the University.”

“You actually went to school?” said Artemis. “I always pegged you as a vocational school dropout or a community college dropout...which university did you attend?”

“I went to Titan U. I didn’t attend, but I went there. I think they thought I was a groundskeeper or something. I was an honorary member of a frat though.”

“Wait, you weren’t a student? They didn’t arrest you? Because I went there with my school’s science club and I was arrested and beaten for calling a security guard ‘boy’” Said Artemis, remembering the painful sting of the stun batons and mace. “But it didn’t help that we were carrying a particle cannon with enough firepower to melt a human being...which, it did...melted a judge because he kept molesting it...” Artemis sipped at his beverage, remembering the smell of molten human...and oddly enjoying it.

“I think I was a few times. They eventually put up a gate with a code. But you know a code like 0000 will only get you so far with security. Did you know that was also the code for the reactor room at TU?”

“You...went into the reactor room?”

“Yeah, you don’t remember the close meltdown about a decade ago? A misplaced Pabst Blue Ribbon almost ended life at TU as we knew it.”

Artemis and the table marveled at Boyd. “Look, you can’t blame me, blame the security. They also left the high energy laser computers with ‘password’ as the password.”

“Let mes guess” one of the rodents started. “Yous plays with the lasers?”

“Yeah, I think I cut the head off of the Christiaan Huygens statue in the courtyard.” Boyd said

“I played with the anti-asteroid lasers at Charon once, I carved a penis into a passing Space Corps Dreadnought....I blamed the wheelchair bound Dr. Phelps...” Artemis started laughing. “...they beat him within an inch of his life, he was typing on that keyboard the entire time ‘please god, I didn’t do it!”

Everyone looked at Artemis in shock. “What? he was a dick” Artemis trailed off, becoming more and more sloshed with each pass of the waitress. A sharp yelp emanated from behind the booth, Artie Jr. came to his Father with the beer can lodged in the side of his head.

“Oh, Junior...” Artemis said, pulling the can out. “Catch with your claw, not your head” he said, handing the can to his son, who promptly hurled it at nearby gerbil-child, who yelped in pain when it connected with his snout. “That’a boy!”

“I remember I tried to play this with my passengers on a TitanGo flight. They were sore losers, yelling at me to do my job, looking out for the rock, I don’t want to die young. Losers.”

The can whizzed past Boyd’s head and got stuck in the booth right next to his ear. Boyd pulled the can out and climbed out of his seat.

“Come on! The execution is all wrong! You have to throw it like a frisbee, not a piece of garbage! Watch!” Boyd demonstrated the proper technique from memory, amazing the children.

The night continued, with the adults becoming more and more inebriated and the children finding more ways dangerously entertain themselves, somehow avoiding injury.


The party is open if anyone wants to hop in

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