Back to Reality

Space lurched, time flickerd and reality threw up. Surfing on the crest of this wave of cosmic vomit a small blue shuttle appeared. If there were sound in the cold vacuum of space the word 'Plink' might be used to herald its arrival, followed by the horrified screams of its single occupant as it tore through the universe at a million miles an hour.

"Smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg!" was the first word uttered by Dr Richard Pornsak as he was re-introduced to reality. Or at least a reality, that was remarkably similar to the reality he had been pulled out of.

Fifteen minutes later.

"Eighteen years! Eighteen? No. No, no no no no. I'm just not having it. That makes me... forty eight! Oh my god, I'm forty eight, I missed my midlife crisis. I didn't even get a motorbike... or a tattoo I really wanted a tattoo!"

The ever patient voice of the ships computer crackled and then spoke, "You have in fact aged only three minutes and twenty two seconds. It would appear that the pocket dimension we have been trapped in had little regard from proper time keeping. Of course that time just pertains to us the universe in reality may have seen many more years passing by prior to our re-entry."

"Oh thank god." Dick gasped, ignoring the chatter of the computer, "If anyone asks I am still thirty OK?"

"The likelihood of meeting anyone who cares before we run out of oxygen is rather slim I am afraid."

"No I've got that, just a moment." Dick replied brightly as he jumped from his seat and scrambled to the aft of the small ship where a number of crio-stasis canisters were stacked up in a pile.

"What are you looking for sir?" the computer asked.

"It's here somewhere I am sure of it." Dick mumbled as he pushed canister after canister aside, "Ah here is it."

"Not the earwig sir."

"Yes the earwig, it is a scientific triumph. I have awards for this invention."

"It is a flatulent earwig sir, an earwig that farts. It is repulsive even to me and I have no sense of smell."

"Ah but it farts out oxygen and what is more its not just flatulence, its quantum flatulence!"

"Yes sir I have the paper on file."

"Yes an eternal supply of oxygen!" crowed Dick as he reactivated the crio-stasis matrix and opened the canisters air vents.

"With a faint smell of egg." murmured the computer dryly.

Placing the canister and the newly awakened flatulent earwig down on the deck he jumped back into his seat and looked wonderingly down at the ships scanners and nav-output.

"So erm, where are we? Where is Jupiter station and the Blue Dwarf?"

There was silence for a long moment, then. "Scans are inconclusive."

"Oh smeg. Ok then where is earth?" Dick asked.

"I am unable to find markers for the planet earth.."

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