Just over seventy years ago...

Blue Midget 13 travelled through space, one might even say it streaked as it made its way across the Sol System to dock with the Blue Dwarf at Jupiter command station. On board, Doctor Richard Pornsak, was getting very excited.

"Yes! Oh yes, that's it baby, just like that."

The on board computer made a sound approximating an embarrassed cough, causing Dick to look up from the matter that was occupying his attention.

"Yes? What is it?" he asked the computer, annoyed at the interruption.

"I was wondering if you could you perhaps dial it down a little sir, I am navigating some rather tricky radioactive currents at the moment."

"I am at a rather crucial point in my research right now," Dick shot back.

"I understand sir."

"Good, thank you BM 13." Dick gave a thumbs up to the ceiling from where the computers voice emanated.

"Just one thing." came the computers voice.


"Just now sir, you called me BM 13."

"Yes... what is your point."

"I would prefer a different designation sir."

"You would prefer? What is wrong with BM 13?"

"It is somewhat offensive sir."

"What? How?"

"It is short for Blue Midget Sir."

"Yes?" Distracted by this line of questioning Dick had not noticed that the quantum calculator on which he had been working was starting to become unstable. Steam was in fact rising from the grills on the rear of the contraption. A clear signal of imminent and catastrophic failure.

"Well it is the word midget sir, I object to the term."

"Oh I erm, well what would you like to be called?"

"My database refers to the term little person as an appropriate and politically correct alternative."

"You want me to call you Blue Little Person?" Dick asked sounding unconvinced.

"Well no sir that is something of a mouthful I admit. Perhaps a term that summarises the description without the use of the word midget.

Dick pondered the idea for a moment, still completely ignorant of the impending disaster that would shortly transport him and his politically correct space craft into a pocket dimension for the next seventy years.

"Smurf." he cried out at last. "From now on I will call you Smurf."

"I am not sure that...."

The quantum calculator exploded bringing an abrupt end to the discussion.

Today : Lost in Space...somewhere

"I never actually agreed to the name Smurf."

"Oh for gods sake this again!" Dick replied shaking his head, "You never said no either."

"Not saying no, does not mean you have consent." replied the computer defensively.

"Right that's it, I am removing the equality and diversity training module from your database."

A small red light started flashing on the control panel and an alarm sounded.

"Is that real or are you just changing the subject?" Dick demanded as he flicked a few switches to bring up the ships diagnostic systems.

"We appear to be receiving a signal sir."

"What? From where?

< Prev : Welcome Back To The Land of The Living Dead Next > : Priorities