Coffey Back At Home
(OOC: I have been way too busy with classes in the
past month, whew! Here's an umimportant little bit of
exposition on the Blue Dwarf's Sick Bay.)
Original Blue Dwarf
While the team is on the alternate B.D.
Nurse Hazel Coffey was currently in charge of the Blue
Dwarf Sick Bay. Dr Keto was on the other dimension's
ship, no doubt horrifying their good doctors with his
'ointments'. Dr Ventrite should've beeen supervising
but was currently conducting an experiment in the
closet with a large bag of dried green leaves (neither
oregano or basil) and a pipe. Every so often a puff of
skunky smelling smoke would escape from under the door
along with the muffled sounds of "Bob Marley's
Greatest Greatest Greatest Hits".
Nurse Coffey checked the stats of a patient and then
walked back over to the counter. "Another dimension,"
she thought, "Now there's an eeie thought." An entire
universe that was the same and different in bizarre
ways. What if the alternate Hazel Coffey had no sense
of style? What if she kept her original boring brown
hair? What if she parted it in the middle and wore
those plain tortishell hair barrettes over each ear?
What if she also wore flat white sensible shoes and a
button up cardigan? With a string of fake pearls? What
if..? Coffey shuddered and looked down to her
non-regulation electric blue Venusian snakeskin pumps
she was wearing, then checked her bright purple hair
in a dented metal cabinet door. There _were_ positive
aspects to having zoned out superior officers.
Although the medical bay computer being zoned out was
another problem.
"Hawkeye? Have you found the medical file for
Technician Johnny Walker?"
"Yeah, it's right here. Says he's having trouble with
my liver."
Someone had seen fit to install a medical computer
that came with a wide selection of popular medical
personalities from television and movies. The idea was
to have a patients see and hear a comforting, familiar
presence informing their surgeons what to do. Ben
Casey, Rex Morgan, St Elsewhere, ER, Martian Mercy
Hospital, and even Star Trek characters could be found
in the programming. But no longer. M*A*S*H* had taken
over. Once activated, 'Hawkeye' had become dominant
and erased all the other shows. Even characters from
his own show were limited to brief cameos as a
likeness of Alan Alda shamelessly mugged its way
through every operation and insulted the patients. As
much as Coffey had enjoyed the eternally syndicated
programme over the stellar broadcasts, who would want
a smartarse like Hawkeye around all the time?
Especially one that never had the decency to go to
sleep for once?
Turning to the screen, she saw Hawkeye clutching a
cocktail glass and smirking. Coffey sighed.
"Just give me the file. Don't make me download Russian
novels into your memory again."
"Hey, I'm too tough for that now. I just concentrated
on the Nabokov. Whoo, that little Lolita..."
"Fine. Two words. Samuel Beckett."
Coffey was pleased to see Hawkeye's face turn pale and
then be replaced by that of Radar's. "I've got your
file here, ma'am."
"Now there's a nice schizo computer. Be good or you'll
be processing a million copies of 'Endgame' all in
different languages." Now Coffey had to think of
another threat for the next time Hawkeye acted up. But
what could be worse than Beckett?
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