Diet Starts Tomorrow

<NB. Written with a temperature, so may be delirious nonsense.>

<SNIP>
However, there is still hope. Legend tells of other defectors from the empire such as myself, and you two. The Dwarf Exiles. They all abandoned the empire for their own reasons and sought to distance themselves by coming here. They are the greatest warriors to grace the land, and once united they can stop Artemis dead in his tracks. We just set out to find them. Come children, there isn't much time”
</SNIP>

“Al, wats goin’ on?” Li’l Plisk looked up in large-eyed curiousity, his little face shadowed by the rim of his hat.
To be honest, Al thought Plisky probably had a better idea than he did, but not wanting to scare him, he quickly bluffed: “Oh er, y’know. Gonn’ do some important stuff to sort things out.” Little Plisk raised a doubtful eyebrow at the vague answer. “… Er, Keystone an’ that.” Al continued, inwardly proud that he’d remembered the word. “Dwarf X Files” he added.

As they trekked along on their quest, something tugged at Al’s sleeve, and it wasn’t li’l Plisky, it wasn’t his physical sleeve, either, but that of his mental robe. (Which, incidentally, was badass and not a cute little kitty outfit.)
How did they know the leader of the resistance? And why could Al suddenly kinda remember living on a spaceship? The old leader guy, Jay… seeing him had prompted something. It was weird.
He knew he was part of Candyland, and a kid, so why did he have memories of being a grown up?
He frowned as he caught a mental mirror-glimpse memory of himself as an adult. Long hair, long face. He shuddered at the miserable expression, then shot Plisk a sly look. Was he having similar recollections?
“La la laaa…” The littler boy was singing and apparently in his own little world. For some reason this made Al smile.

Plisk noticed he was being looked at. “Whut?”
Al shrugged.
“Al.” Plisken’s hat flopped forward onto his nose.
“Yeh?”
The hat was pushed back up. “Am I your best friend?”
Alex laughed. As a kid he was still watchful and wary but not wracked with trust issues like his adult self. “Yeah!” He shoved the li’l mage playfully, accidentally sending him stumbling sideways. He grabbed the robe and corrected Plisk's course. “Oops, sorry.”
“S’okay.”
Li’l Plisky was so cute, Al liked him a lot. He put a hand on his shoulder.
“I wish you were my brother, Plisk.”

Out of nowhere, an odd feeling punched Alex in the stomach, and he twitch-glitched. He didn’t know what had brought it on. All he’d said was he’d wished Plisken was his brother.
Brother…
There was another flash of his miserable shadowy man-face in some unknown mirror, and a momentary sadness which was so acute it left him wobbly legged.

“Huh?”
Plisken was shaking him. “Al… Are you okay?”
He nodded. “Yes.”
But he felt a bit disturbed, and dropped back so he could cuddle the bottom of his robe and suck his thumb without anyone watching.

“LITTLE GIRL would you keep up?”
The resistance-leader-Jay-man-person was calling to him. He quickly snapped his thumb away from his face. “Don’t shout. Meany.”
“Oh come on Solvay, what’s wi-” The leader abruptly stopped speaking.
“Solvay?” Asked li’l Plisk. “Who’s Solvay? Dis is Sorbet. Alan Lemon Sorbet.”
“Actually my name’s Lemon Alan Sorbet.”
“Uh.” The grown up seemed confused for a moment. “Yeah, Sorbet. That’s what I said.”
Then he frowned. “Alan’s a funny name for a girl…”

“Ain’t a girl!” Alex insisted, but the grown up had stopped paying attention and was looking left and right. “Okay, we’re going to cross this road.”
“Track.” Plisky corrected.
“… Track… into…
“CANDYLAND!”
“Yes, Candyland. Because the word is, that two of the other Dwarf Exiles are there.”
Alex shrugged nonchalantly, pretending he knew the Worf X Files were there all along.

“Right, hold my hands.”
“What?”
“Okay!” Plisky walked up and took Jay’s hand. Chrysler flapped the free one at Al.
“No way.”
“A-aalll, it’s only Jay.”
“Come on, you’re kids, I’m not letting you cross a road this size on your own.”
Al squinted up at the adult, his eyes looked kind and honest. And, somehow, he did know him. “All right.” He reluctantly took the hand and they began to cross.

As they were walking, Al hissed to Plisken. “Plisk I saw myself as a-adult.”
“What?”
“Yeah. I was really old! And ugly!”
Li’l Plisky giggled.
“Like him?” He said after a while, looking up at Jay.
“I heard that” Jay mumbled, not fully paying attention, concentrating as he was on getting them safely across the wide track.
“No, not THAT old! But like… a proper grown up an’ that.”
Plisky’s jaw dropped. “Wow!”
“And I had, like, spikes. Here.” He ran his hand over his smooth baby-face, to demonstrate where the ‘spikes’ had been. In Candyland, none of the racers had facial hair. Which made sense as they were mainly children.
Plisky giggled again, currently unaware that his adult, real, self, possessed an entire beard. “Ewwww!”
“I know! Gross.”

“Children shhh. Trying to concentrate.”
Being told off just made their conversation funnier and, try as he might, Alex could not stop laughing. The Jay man was not impressed.
“Tell your girlfriend to put a lid on it” he instructed Plisk.
“He’s not a gi-”

But once again, there was no time to tell the dumb adults that Alex was a boy, because two Karts came hurtling round the corner.

“It’s them!” Jay proclaimed.
“How d’you know?”
“I just do.” He began waving his arms to flag them down.

Gummy Jaxx and Silky Eve pulled over.
“Dwarf Exiles...” Jay began.
“Drawer what dood?”
“X Files.” Alex told him, helpfully. “Can I have a go on your kart?” He added.
Jay sighed. It was going to be a long day.
“Whut you been doin’?” Plisken asked.
“Well erm, we like met these scary guys an’ stuff and I burrowed under ground and got a mouth full of candy dirt and then…”

But Alex stopped listening to the rest of the sentence.
“Candy dirt?”
“Yeah. Everything in Candyland is made of candy, duh!”
Silky Eve raised her eyebrows. “How long’ve you lived here, Lemon!?”
“Always.”
“And you never realised the rocks and dirt were Candy?”
Al shook his head.
Eve giggled. “Jaxx I think-”

As they talked, Al gave a wide-eyed Li’l Plisk a meaningful look. “We can eat everything” he mouthed.

Jay groaned. “Look, guys, we can talk sweets later, right now we have to find the others, so we can unite and recover the keystone.”
“You need our help, dude?”
At last, some sensible talk. “Yes. Will you come to find the other Dwarf Exiles?”
Jaxx shrugged. “Yeah.”
Wanting to seem cool Alex said “once we’re in nighties we can defeat Artemis the tygerant.”
Plisken whispered something.
“Oh uh, I mean, once we are united.”

“Come on, this way!”

----

After a long time of walking, Jaxx tugged on Jay’s sleeve. “Yes, Gummy?”
“Uhm, like, sorry to interrupt the mission and all but, where are Bakewell and Lemon?”
“Oh for-”
They trudged back the way they'd come, to find two extremely round little boys lying groaning in two hollows in the ground. In the same place where earlier two boulders had stood. One of them was still trying to eat more. “Must… Eat… Rock.”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” Yelled the resistance leader. “Isn’t anyone taking this seriously?”

Al managed to get the rock down. “It’s… All… Candy…” he panted.

“Get up you greedy little sods! Get up right now!”

They tried, but it was impossible.

Li'l Plisky started to cry, one because they’d been told off, and two because now he’d stopped stuffing his face he was starting to get tummy ache. He was only going along with what Al had wanted to do. "Wuuuuaaaahhhhhhahahaaa."
"Don't *hic* don't w'rry Plisk." Al managed.

“Why? Why did they have to be children?” Complained Jay, shaking his head as Jaxx and Eve giggled at the sight of the round ones.

“Excuse me, but doesn’t anyone care about THE KEYSTONE!!!??”

An answer did come, but it wasn’t a welcome one. It was just an irrepressible belch from Al.
“Scuse me.”

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