Dr. Boyd's Miracle Cure, Part 2: Fratlosophy

OOC-Only tagged Artie and Boyd because they're the only ones directly mentioned in the post.

Co-Written by Xan and Tib

"No questions. Just witness."

He placed the boom box down along with the army of six packs. He hit the play button,

"Kids, this is Dr. Weathers' cure-all to coming down off of that paranoid cloud you're on." He tore a few cans off the six pack and tossed them around, leaving one for himself,

"Pink Floyd, and Pabst Blue Ribbon."

(The screaming of Roger Waters sent a shiver down the spines of the intoxicated Huzzards, they began to tense up in anticipation for some sort of incoming terror) https://youtu.be/DLOth-BuCNY?t=1m9s

“Nah, wait for it, wait for it.... boom.” Boyd said with the drop. He laid his head back and went with the music, everyone following suit.

“My science, Boyd, how did....” Artemis whispered, hovering over to the mellow crowd.

“SSHH! Join the flow or leave Artie-pie” Boyd interjected.

Artemis plopped down next to Boyd, who was sprawled out across the stump, water-falling Pabst Blue Ribbon into his mouth and swaying with the music.

“I’m taking points off if I don’t see swaying” Boyd said, getting his flock of lizard-men (and women) to sway with him.

“I don’t know if its the intense drug cocktail flowing through their systems, but they are abnormally receptive to you...it’s almost like they see something in you” Artemis said, observing the Huzzards and taking notes on his MS Scanner.

“It is what it is. Take it and go.”
it is what it is the Huzzards copied drunkenly.

“Come again?”

“Think about life man, then think about them tripping man. It happens and it is what it is. The plan happened man, only thing to do other than panic is to take it and go man, just chill.” Boyd said, Artemis stunned by the prolific frat-boy wisdom.
the plant happened man, chill the crowd echoed.

The other dwarfers watched from a distance as the group lived and loved with a Pink Floyd soundtrack.

“This is insane” someone remarked.

“I’ve never seen aggro lizard men so chill before” another added.

“It’s almost as if....there’s some sort of mutual understanding, between the novice Huzzards and the wise, party-experienced, frat-boy master....I literally spent half of my time at Charon drugging GELF’s for compliance testing and never did we get this sort of compliance” Artemis said. “Boyd, how....”

“Bro, man, lizard, bird, sentient bread, or meat by-product with a conscience, we’re all the same man. Soul, is soul.”
bread man, bread they copied again.

“I think a Greek philosopher said something to that caliber.....” Artemis said, being taken by the flow. “...it’s like, we’re all made from the same basic DNA, but like, there’s only slight differences and stuff, and it’s like....only what’s on the outside that’s different, man, we’re all the same on the inside....”
greek caliber, dna, man the Huzzards copied.

“See, that’s the flow.” Boyd replied


“oh...Oh....OH!” Artemis shook out of the ‘flow’, or whatever it was that caused him to...lapse (software fault? the weed? or was Boyd really a telepath?) “Right”
The Huzzards were in an extremely receptive state, due to the drug cocktail, and the frat-boy extraordinaire. If Artemis could match Boyd’s mannerisms, he could probably implant the thoughts in the Huzzards. At least that’s how it worked with all the other illegal drugging and testing he did back at Charon.

“Boyd! The deal, help me seal the deal!” Artemis whispered over the music.

Boyd gave a thumbs up.

“The rodents on the promenade, uh, man...they’re pretty chill”

The huzzards ignored Artemis.

“You gotta be in the flow Artie-Bro, think of the kids and the Missus....and like, flowers, and puppies, and puppy-flowers” Boyd said, tossing cans of beer to the Huzzards as they slowly ran dry.

Artemis uploaded one of his favorite songs to the boombox, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83OD6JTe5pg a Jimi Hendrix song that he used to put the kids to bed at night.

He slowly fell back into the flow, and oddly enough began to feel human again.

“Like, we all share the same DNA right? We’ve all got two arms and two legs man, like I don’t anymore but I did, man. So like, we share DNA with the rodents, right?” Artemis rambled. The Huzzards chattered softly, slowly absorbing the frat-losophy.
“Rodents, bananas, we share the DNA man. If not, we’re in this cosmic junk together aren’t we?”

“So like, if we’re all in the same cosmic Cocoa Puffs bowl then why can’t we like, share the gardens of life man? Ol’ Bluey only has one and like, we gotta share, man” Artemis said.

“Because people are party crashers man.” Boyd added.

“It’d be a party foul if the Lizzies crashed the party, right?”

“Big party foul. That’s like two game penalty.”

One of the chiefs crawled over to Artemis and Boyd.

“We’re not party crashers, man, we can share our diggs” he mumbled. “Like, we’re all the same Greek DNA man and we all eat Cocoa Cosmic Junk, right?”

“Precisely my fellow man.” Boyd said, turning to the others and giving them a thumbs up.

“Are you sure they’ll remember tomorrow? I don’t think the meds I put in the MDMA will work due to the extent they’ve been drugged” Artemis asked Boyd.

“They’re lightweights Artie, but they’ll pull together. Plus, I have a habit of burning into someone’s memory when they’re high, all I’d have to do is like, remind them” Boyd said.

“I’m not sure why, but I believe that” Artemis said.

Boyd helped the Huzzards all the way out of their high, and into a deep slumber. Artemis and Boyd stayed even after the others left, Artemis to monitor the Huzzards and check in with them when they awoke, and Boyd because it’d “be a party foul to leave before morning”.

The next morning, Artemis found the chiefs, who somehow remember the deal from the night before and gave their blessings....in exchange for a boombox with Pink Floyd and Jimi Hendrix, and some Pabst Blue Ribbon, which Boyd happily provided, having an ample stock in his ship.

The next night some of the Skutters found the Huzzards doing a fire-dance around the boombox as it played “The Wind Cries Mary”


Despite everything, Boyd and Artie convinced the Huzzards to be good neighbors. The Rodents have their plot of land and the Huzzards are now fans beer and rock.

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