<snip>Several dozen midget crewmen were coming out from the treeline, drawn by the gunshot and the sound of male voices...<snip>

“You know,” Cass observed “it’s not too late to get back into the lift and –” the lift pinged as it’s doors slid closed behind them and it sped off elsewhere. Cass scowled “Yeah, it is”

“I think we should move” Jade said, her voice almost lost in the “Ooompa Loompa” chanting from the tribe of midgets as they continued to emerge from the trees.

“Yeah. Agreed” Jay nodded “I like my balls where they are”

Cass glanced across at him, unable to quite shake the mental image she had of him savaging a sheep’s scrotum. She was about to say something, but Jamie interrupted her.

“What the… What’s happening?” he pointed down at the midget that Jay had just shot, which was making unpleasant gurgling sounds as it tried to push itself up from the ground.

“How is that damn thing even moving?” Jay raised his weapon and took aim again “I shot it in the head”

Taking a few steps to distance herself from the struggling homunculus, Cass frowned down at her terminal, her eyes quickly flicking over the text it displayed.

“It says here that these things are some sort of plant” she said after a moment.

“And?” Jay risked a glance back over his shoulder at her “So what?”

“They’re tough to kill”

“No shit?”

“They hatch out of seed pods from an alien plant, that absorbs genetic material. The Pink Tree must have set it free from the dangerous plans exhibit. These critters devour other similar creatures and then fertilize the host with their digested remains – They’re midgets because the plant evolved to prey on dog sized creatures; it’s just adapting to humans as best it can, but sentience is problematic; they’re not that smart”

“Absolutely fascinating” Jay growled “I’m sure – Whoa” he dodged back, out of the way, as ‘mini Jay’ launched itself up towards his family jewels, it’s jagged teeth gleaming in it’s wide open mouth. “Fuck”

Aiming a savage kick at it, he booted it away and before it could recover, Jay emptied a clip into it, blowing enough fist-sized lumps out of the creature to disable it completely.

“What the hell does it want with my love spuds?” he demanded.

“Maybe they’re attracted to testosterone?” Jade suggested

Cass shrugged “They probably just like teabagging”

“Not helping”

“But funny” Cass grinned.

“Ooompa” in the silence following the shooting, the little tribe of midgets struck up again, louder this time “Ooompa. Ooompa Loompa...”

“What on earth are they doing?” Jade frowned. “Is that a war dance?”

“Ooompa Loompa”

“Why’s there a tribe of them?” Jamie asked.

“Maybe it’s a big host plant? - It’s apparently a great anticoagulant”

“Ooompa Loompa… Ooompa Loompa Diddle-dee-deEEEEEEE” at this the creatures all surged towards the Dwarfers.

“Shit!” Jay yelled “Move!”

It’s the invasion of the midget testosterone snatchers

Where shall we move to? - Is there a nearby abandoned visitor attraction that we can escape into or are we going to have to stand and fight?

Did anyone pack any incendiaries?

Can we track the host plant down and come back with a powerful anticoagulant?

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