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RADIO DEAD... NO KILL YOU... SPERM COUNT GOOD...Posted by
Posted: Jul 20, 2018, 2:46pm
"Do you think they will want a sample?" Dick mused as he considered the message.
"No sir I... oh good lord no please stop."
<<Thirty Two Seconds Later>>
"Oh yeah I've still got it. I hope those Amazonian space vixens dont mind a larger man."
"You are not that large sir." Smurf replied.
"That is just rude." Dick snapped, "I was talking about my weight, I am carrying a few extra pounds and well you know..."
"I can honestly say that I do not know what you are talking about sir, and might I add that despite the message I am still very much in doubt regarding the nature of the vessels occupants. In fact my sensors are indicating three..."
“Help me” a voice suddenly sounded over the comm, “Oxygen’s running low. I’m trapped here with a crazy mechanoid”
“I’m thrilled to hear it.” Dick called back ”I hope your sperm count is good too...”
"That was a female unless I am mistaken sir." Smurf explained. "The transmission came from the abandoned vessel."
Dick scrambled forward to stare at the hulking ship through the view screen. He tapped a few buttons angled the shuttle towards one of the closer docking stations. He noticed that the other shuttle was flashing another message.
"What are they saying?" Pornsak asked.
"WE COME FIRST... IF HOT... GET FIRSTS DIBS."
"Told you." Dick announced, "Space Vixens."
"Who is out there?" came the womans voice over the comm system again.
"This is Blue Midget 13 coming in hot." Dick spoke into the comm panel.
Smurf gave an audible sigh as Pornask scrambled about trying to find his space suit. At last he found it amidst a large mound of empty Curlywurly wrappers and proceeded to wriggle inside. It was a tight fit and he was out of breath by the time he got it on and fastened.
"I think you may have put on a few pounds sir." Smurf observed and Dick made a rude sign. Then to his absolute horror the space suit vanished.
"What the hell?" Dick exclaimed, "What happened?" he was stood there in nothing but his white underpants once more.
"I was afraid this might happen." Smurf mused.
"What? what were you afraid might happen?"
"We designed your undergarments with a quantum mesh to protect your modesty as we made the transition into real space time."
"Yes I know. Its a scientific triumph." Dick agreed.
"Well there are some side effects it seems."
"You mean unexpected side effects."
"No I calculated a distinct probability of this particular circumstance."
"and what circumstance is that?"
"To be precise sir, the quantum field around your Y-fronts is suffused with your epidermis and any attempt to cloth your self will result in the teleportation of the said garments into the quantum ether."
"So... I cant wear anything other than these pants?" Dick asked.
"Can I take them off?"
"I would advise against that sir."
"But just now I..."
"I think you are safe to work around them sir."
"Hello." came the womans voice over the comm again.
"Just a second," Dick called back "I am having a problem with my pants."