The Adventures of Dick Pornsak Part 1

Dick had flashbacks. The Grand High Poobar being sucked into a vacuum. The slightly condescending lawyer. The mother of the Grand High Poobar and her extended visit in the criminal hide out. The realisation that his new companions were not going to get back in time to prevent the tentacles creature from realising that her poor little squidling was no longer in the land of the living and the y-front wearing buffoon sitting in her son's seat just might have some answers. There had been questions, hard questions and then tentacles and.. He closed his eyes to drive away the memory.

"Where are we going sir?" Came the familiar voice of Smurf and Dick took a deep breath to steady his nerves.

"Anywhere but here Smurf, anywhere but here."

"Are you sure about that sir?"

"Yes, yes god dammit just get me out of here."

"Ok sir we have lift off in 5, 4, 3, 2....."


"Good morning sir."

Dick woke with a yawn. Reaching for a a dressing gown he wrapped it around himself only for it to vanish into the cosmic ether.

"Bastard." he glared down at the brilliant white cotton Y-fronts that covered his modesty. Those underpants were the only thing standing between Dick and complete oblivion. They were imbued with a quantum stability field that prevented his molecules from dispersing following a prolonged period living in a pocket dimension. An unfortunate side effect being that he could not remove them or wear anything else but them. Science had a perverse sense of humor.

Stumbling over to the pilots chair he stared out of the window.

"Where are we?" he asked taking in the sight of a large garishly coloured space station.

"Holiday Inn Seven Delta Five." Smurf answered brightly. "You need a shower sir."

"Do they have a pool?"

Smurf was silent for a moment has it communed with station computer.

"Affirmative sir, although might I suggest you proceed with caution. White cotton tends towards the transparent when wet."

"Sod it, its nothing they haven't seen before."

"I beg to differ sir, you will be the only human resident it seems."

"Book me in." Dick ordered and several minutes later they were locking up to the Space Hotel docking bay...

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