“Yupp.” Phil smacked his lips exaggeratedly. “Just keep on drinking there, Nipps, you'll be happy again in no time.”

“Maybe a change of scenery might, um, cheer him up?” Suggested Phi.

Jay and Cass looked at each other.
“Not yet...”

“Where shall we go then?”
<end snip>

“Yes, marvellous idea!” Said Seymour. “Erm... Cyberpark, change location to Moulin Rouge, Paris. Cyberpark?”
“The controls are on the wall over there!” Phil said laughing at him.
“Hmpf.” Said Seymour and jabbed at some buttons, sloshing the wine around in his glass.

The scene changed to a swanky burlesque club in Paris. Women wearign frilly skirts did the can-can on stage, and Victorian men dressed in fine suits surrounded them. Seymour grabbed a top hat from a coat stand and placed it on his head, although slightly wonky due to his inebriation.

“There we go, risqué but tasteful!” He said, staggering over to Phi. “Fancy more Bordeaux m'lady?”
“Not in that glass, it's got lipstick marks on it, so unhygeneic.”
“You're absolutely right!” Seymour said, staggering about the bar trying to find a cleaner glass. He held one up to the light and almost fell over.
“How about I get you something stronger so that it's definitely got no germs in?” He pulled out a bottle of premium absynthe and tipped most of it on the bar, and some of it into two glasses which he presented one to her.
“Bottoms up!” He said, joining her in downing the shot. “Another?”
Phi shook her head, then soon collapsed. Nearby, Legion juddered as part of his consciousness left him.

Seymour then saw Phil and Jay talking further down the bar so staggered over. Due to the way they were slumped against the bar, he could tell they were as drunk as he was.
“Phil, me old mucker.” Seymour said. “Congradulashuns on coming up with this wonderful idea.”
“It was Whitewolf's idea.”
“Oh yesh. Well done Whitewolfsh!” Seymour said, turning and saluting.
“That's a chair. Whitewolf's over there.”
“Oh yeah. Oh well. Cheers!”
He clanked his wine glass against Jay's pint glass with more force than they both intended, and his shattered.
“Oh, bugger!” He said, laughing. “Wait, that givessh me an idea.”
Seymour took Phil's pint glass off him and smashed it over his head. He fell to the floor and looked confused. Seymour dropped a bowl of peanuts on his head to finish him off.

Seymour and Jay both turned to see Legion who was now surrounded by burlesque dancers and rapidly thrusting his lycra-clad body against them. “It looksh like Justin's personality is giving him more of an influence.”

One of the dancers pulled off Legion's facemask to reveal a face made up of the conscious crewmembers.
“Are you in a fit state to drive?” Seymour asked.
“Good. Let's go.”
“Go where? I've just sshtarted on another pint.”
“You said you could fly this sshpace-spashh-shhpacehsshtation back to the Blue Dwarf?”

They both left the cyberpark and went to Legion's control room, where computers lined the room, including a spacial grid of the area. Jay started to get himself accustomed to the controls, which was difficult because the room was spinning around him.

Seymour scanned the area of space they were in, and found some obstacles. “There's three asshteroids about 3 kilimeters in either direction of us, shouldn't be a problem them but in your current state you will probably hit them all.”
“Nah, I'll be fine. I'm an expert pilot you know!” Jay said, and put his pint on top of a button causing the entire spacestation to lurch to the left.
“Okay to get us back to the Blue Dwarf you have to pilot around these two gas giants....” Seymour checked his vision. “I mean this one gas giant, an asteroid belt, a giant peanut, and some kind of giant space shark.”
“Are you sure you're reading that correctly?”
Seymour picked up a peanut from the scannerscope. “Oh, the peanut was just from the bar. Ignore that. But the space shark is real.”
“A what?”
“A giant space shark, look!”
“Are you sure you haven't spilled some wine on the scanner?”

<Tag Andy/Jay - So can Jay pilot us back to the Blue Dwarf avoiding all space obstacles? What do they do if they get in the way of the shark? Everyone else keep drinking and distract Legion!>

< Prev : Pished Next > : Drunk and disorderly