In... smeg knows where... no one can hear you scream...

<snip>But mainly they screamed... </snip>

... They screamed because Max was morphing into a horrifying being which was quite terrible to behold. It had overgrown "hooves" and prominent bones and was sliming and slurping its way over Jay's back. Curiously it retained the tiny striped romper suit, which now looked preposterous against its huge, green, pulsating body. Even Bedge seemed terrified at the ghastly vision.

Jay wasn't entirely aware of this of course, because being choked is fairly distracting, but he could feel a cold, clammy sensation creeping across his body.

Alex wasn't a fan of maiming, but murderous simulants and oozing muculent Doombringer components he would make an exception for. He readied his bazookoid, aimed at what he guessed was the beast's head and was about to blast the smegger to oblivion, when it swivelled a mucous-dripping eye at him, screeched in rage and spread two of its nasty little "arms". Fifty more sprouted from its bubbling back and shot out to encase the entire room in slop.

The repair bay IMPLODED with a horrible sucking sound.
The dwarfers and their companions had the sensation of a sickening migraine for several seconds, accompanied by what sounded, and felt, like someone had stuck a Henry Hoover attachment to each ear, on high power. Then silence.


Alex remained still for a few moments, then braved the opening of one eye. He squeezed it shut again. "Bloody hell."
He could hear the others groaning and gaining consciousness around him so he opened his eyes fully and sat up.
Seymour sat up too, his eyes bulged.
Phil was face down. He lifted his head and spat out a mouthful of sand. "Where the hell are we?"
“I dunno” Alex grunted "I think we're on some kind of... beach or somethin'."

Cass and Katrina had landed in an awkward intertwined heap. As soon as Cass realised she jerked herself away.

"Where's Max?" Said Katrina, looking confused.
Jay sat up, rubbing his throat, and looked around. "Max? Max! What have you done!? Get us out of here!"

Cass rolled her eyes "That wasn't Max. Smeg's sake."

Alex helped the others stand, apart from Seymour who was helped back into his chair by Phil. "'snot gonna be much use here." He pointed out, helpfully.

It was hot. Hot and bright. They'd been here a matter of minutes and already they were sweatier than 21st century comedian Lee Evans, in a sauna.
Alex tore a strip from his coveralls and wrapped it around his head. He looked at the others. Jay was comforting Katrina, Cass was fiddling frustratedly with her Psi Scan, Seymour was unsuccessfully attempting to push himself along and Phil was frowning behind his shades. Bedge was on his back, twitching. Everyone looked as bewildered as Alex felt. There was no sign of the previously Max-looking Doombringer component.

Jay swallowed and gathered himself.
"Right. Let's work out where we are. What can you see? Solvay, FeBuggure..."

Alex nodded at Phil and they picked their way up a dune to their right. As they reached the crest, Phil's jaw dropped. Alex sat down, ran a hand through his hair, sighed and lit up a fag.
"Well, I don't think we're gonna make tonight's game of 'Raisin Roulette' on the promenade.”

They looked out at the seemingly never-ending desert and felt very small, and very lost, indeed.

A long and musical emission danced its way from Phil's bottom. It seemed appropriate.


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