Characters in this post
View character profile for: Cassandra Jones
View character profile for: Seymour Niples
View character profile for: Jelena Markova
View character profile for: Garr Bedge
All around him, people feinted. Justin had always dreamed this moment, when he alone could save the ship. The only one remaining conscious. He could be a hero... He was the last man standing. Now was his time to shine.
“I want my body back!” Jelena said, punching him in the arm.
“Ow!” Okay so he wasn't the last man standing. He wasn't even a man. He had the body of a 35 year old female.
But the two Holograms weren't alone. This mysterious Steve Stevens was standing over the unconscious bodies of Cass and Alex, programming the computer console with great skill and haste.
Again, Jelena punched him. The only other being around that could touch him. He dodged, and swung his head around.
“And don't mess up my hair!” She yelled.
“You'll get it back later. I'm enjoying these incredible tits!”
“You ARE an incredible tit!” She said, but Justin silenced her by nodding his head in the direction of the stranger who was jabbing commands into the keyboard.
“Hey, what are you doing?” Justin asked.
Stevens didn't even glance in his direction. “I'm... err... converting more power from your engines to your defensive turrets, to destroy those battleships.
“No you're not. You're setting the self-descruct sequence.”
“No I'm not.”
“Yes you are. I can see the screen. It says 'are you sure you want to initiate the self destruct sequence' and you just pressed 'continue'!”
“What are you going to do about it?” Steven Stevens said, eventually turning around and facing Justin, who was instinctively massaging his own bosoms, something he'd not stopped doing since gaining the female form.
“...err...” Stevens gawped, forgetting what he was doing for a moment before eventually turning back to the keyboard.
Justin was pulled backwards by Jelena. “We have to stop him!” She said.
“I know! But how? We're both softlight, we can't even touch him.” Justin thought for a second. “Unless, what if you deactivate yourself and there'll be enough power for me to be hardlight.”
“No! You won't turn me back on again!”
“I can turne you on any time baybeey” Justin said, until he got a slap in the face.
Jelena herself winced, realising that was her own face she'd slapped.
Justin noticed Cassandra's robot, which was still stood in the room, on standby. “Hey, you. Sic!” He said pointing to the intruder. “Get him! Er... Kill!”
The robot didn't move.
“We need another plan!”
Jelena but her lip, she had a plan but didn't like it very much. “When he looked at you, he got distracted. Maybe you could...”
“No way” Justin said. “Absolutely no way.”
“Oh go on!”
“If you do, I'll go find a mirror. You can jump up and down staring at yourself all day, if you do this”
“Hmm, very very tempting. But... gah...” He felt nauseous as he approached Stevens, pulling down his top to show his cleavage. “Hey, big boyyyyy.” He battered his eyebrows. “What are you doing?” he sucked on his finger and swayed his hips.
The man turned around. “I was urr... I was urr... ”
Justin leaned his body into the man's, and stroked his rippling torso. “Oh, what large muscles you have.” He said, trying not to be sick.
“You should see my other big muscle.” Stevens said suggestively.
“Haha nice one.” Justin said, always a long time fan of suggestive jokes. But he gulped when he saw a bulge appear in the man's trousers. “oh... err...” He stepped backwards, trying to remember that the man couldn't actually touch him, although proximity to his throbbing sexual organ was still the grossest thing he could imagine. He tripped and fell to his backside on the floor, but the man kept stepping towards him, his trouser bulge now at Justin's eye level.
“Wanna see it?” Stevens said.
“Nope.” Said Justin, turning away.
Peering out from behind him, Jelena gave him a thumbs up and mimed “keep him distracted!”
Justin heard a zipping sound, and almost screamed.
Stevens reached down with his meaty fist and tried to squeeze Justin's breasts, but his hand passed straight through.
“Oh... a hologram? What's the point then?” He said, turning around to get a piece of steel piping in the face, swung by Alex Solvay. The man fell against the wall, next to Justin, who blew him a kiss before Alex hit him again, knocking him clean out.
The crew were staring to recover.
“Where's the battleships?” Seymour asked, pulling himself back onto his wheelchair with the help of Garr Bedge, whose arms were now back to normal.
“Gone.” Said Cass, glancing at her monitor whilst commanding her robot to guard Stevens.
Seymour looked through the Drive Room's windows at the STCP's HQ, now closer than ever. The base didn't have any visible hangers or starship umbilicals. “What sort of ships were they?”
“22nd century New Ferretzoidian. Fifteen of their battleships mysteriously disappeared causing a 5 year war with their neighbouring planet.” Said Justin, taking everyone by surprise. “What? I do have some hobbies other than masturbation y'know!”
A few moments of silence passed.
“Okay, okay, I read about it in one of my favourite magazines called Ferretzoidian tits & wibblies. God, those Ferretzoidians know how to make great porn!”
“Well..... splendid.” Said Seymour after a while. “So can we assume they were brought here by the STCP as a distraction.” The posh Englishman turned to Stevens who was still unconscious. “So what about this gentleman? An STCP agent?”
“He's a male chauvinistic pig!” Justin shouted. “He forced his lovespuds in my face!” Instead of sympathy, he got laughter.
“I'm starting to hate these STCP dicks.” He said, to more laughter. “Can we just find Jay and Phil and get out of here?”