"You Charon smegs, you realize there's a 0.05% of you surviving this facility? 0.76% if you calculate the other simians. You need....genius. If you want to survive, that is. If not, I think you won't need help, Dr. Pritchard."

"Philistine! You've no idea of the caliber of genius before you! If it weren't for me your precious Serraco wouldn't have been able to steal the plans to make you possible!" Artemis snapped back. "You were probably made on stolen plans to begin with, you damned fool! And simian? HA! I am beyond a squishy blind oaf! I...wait...Charon? Charon Labs? I haven't worked for them in millions of years!"

"Do tell..."

"I got fired after a little mishap with a Quantum Bomb....or rather, after my bumbling sidekick Lars Lindstrom tampered with it thanks to his being a pet to my omnipotent hamster's a long story..."

"That sounds fabricated"

"Well, it happened, and I don't feel I need to explain myself to a two-bit construct held in a rotting hellhole in the ass end of space. We're perfectly capable of escaping this place on our own"

"Can you bypass the airtight security locks in the lower levels?"


"The security in the lower levels is airtight, the lab personnel used to store high profile experiments down there. Hacking it will cause the lab to lock down until a Serraco officer unlocks it. As we both know, there's none to be found. So do you want my aid or do you want to live the rest of your immortal life down here?"

" do we make you portable?"

"My creators created a portable AI matrix to transport me in the event that I needed to leave the facility. There are in the AI mainframe and one here in the control center"

", prepare for....I don't know, the AI equivalent of a field trip"

Artemis located the small black box. He popped his arms out from his hull and pulled on the didn't budge, a pop-up appeared on a nearby computer screen.


Artemis sighed, and clicked "safely remove device.


Artemis groaned, and pulled again on the device, it came sliding out of the ancient computer, a cloud of dust with it.

The AI appeared from the tiny projector on the device.

"So...this is what its like to be connected to nothing. I don't like it" it said.

"Congratulations, you're now on my level of existence. Sucks doesn't it?" Artemis quipped as he affixed the drive to one of his expansion bays (without hooking it up...he didn't want a Serraco AI having access to his systems). "By the way, I never got your designation"

"H-343. We can exchange further pleasantries later, let's find your compatriots and leave this infernal place"

The console beeped, a light flashed from underneath the layers of dust and ceiling rust. Artemis dusted it off, revealing a communications panel.

"It's a transmission notification...we haven't had any transmissions since Corporate notified us of their abandonment of the facility" H-343 said from his perch on Artemis' hull. "'s coming from orbit, one of our White Midgets"

Artemis opened the channel and received a garbled transmission.

“Groundhog day continues. Let's have a bit of Duran Duran..."

The transmission played a heavily static ridden version of Rio, not one of Artemis' favorite Duran Duran songs...but a goodie nonetheless.

"If he has a white midget we might be able to escape this facility sooner than later" Artemis commented.

"Open a channel...quickly!" H-343 snapped.

Artemis opened a channel to the White Midget.

"SOS, SOS, this is Dr. Artemis K. Pritchard VI, Innovative Sciences Officer of the mining ship Blue Dwarf to...whomever is broadcasting Duran Duran. We're stranded on Fernandos and are in desperate need of assistance. Do you read me?"


Human Contact (well, a brain in a robotic tank and an AI, but contact nonetheless) after five years of silence...finally! I'm guessing the AI's will be pretty pissed when Bruno deviates from his task.

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