The British are Coming! (Non-Canon)

This post has been declared non-canon by me, its writer, in support of a different post, seen here:

Everything faded to white and Seymour saw lines of men on horseback, and then Phil, who was gratefully not wearing women's clothes or naked.
“Oh golly gosh, what is this?” He said.

Jacky squinted from the sudden change in light. When his eyes adjusted, he looked around.

"Well... it's not the Blue Dwarf anymore..." he said.

"No smeg!" Rimmer replied, angrily.

"By the looks of things, I'd guess... the..." Jacky began, stopping.

"The what?!" Rimmer said, impatiently.

"Well... not sure when... but it seems like we're in America." Jacky said, at last.

"What makes you think that?" Seymour asked.

Jacky pointed to a large American flag floating about.

"Oh." Seymour said.

"Well, at least it seems peaceful." Rimmer said.

"Unless you notice the waves of British soldiers coming this way." Jacky said. "We're in The American War of Independence!"

"We're British!" Seymour said. "They'll trust us!"

"We're British, and we're standing idly by on American ground! We're smegged." Jacky said, throwing his arms up.

suddenly, Jacky began to glow blindingly white.

"What's going on!?" Rimmer screamed.

"Oh. My. God." Seymour said.

"Smegsmegsmegsmegsmegsmegsmegsmeg" Jacky panicked.

Jacky eventually glowed very brightly, before eventually disappearing entirely.
<OOC> this is my attempt to connect Jacky's confusing whereabouts.</OOC>

When: Shortly after Jacky's part in Samurai World.

Jacky glowed again, then returned to the others whom he'd just left behind.

"I...I... I just..." Jacky stumbled.

"Disappeared and reappeared?" Seymour finished.

"...Yes. How long have I been gone?"

"About 3 seconds."

"Had to have been longer!"

"Not so. You must have time traveled. We all must have..."

Jacky tried to adjust himself again, and failed.

"Candice is still alive." he said, finally. "She's a pixie fairy, but she's alive."

"What?" Seymour said.

"I just saw Jaxx, Jay, Davie and Candice. She was a pixie fairy. They're in Japan. Ancient Japan."

"We've got to find a way back. We've got to find the others!"

"I... I don't know, Seymour." Jacky said, hopelessly. "I don't know if we can go back. I don't know what's going on." Jacky sat on a nearby sack and held his head in his hands.

"We must stay optimistic." Seymour said.

"Optimistic!?" Rimmer screeched. "We're trapped in the far past, you goit! We're smegged! I went on your ratty old mining ship and saw a man masturbating to a movie poster of an elf, and now THIS?!"

"...He's a Hobbit." Jacky said, looking up.

Rimmer glared at him intently.

"" he said.

Jacky stood up.

"Gollum is of a Hobbit-like race, but his appearance was influenced by his prolonged age because of the ring." he explained, to annoy Rimmer.

Rimmer said nothing, opting to grasp Jacky by the throat and toss him down to the ground.

"We're going to be killed by soldiers, but you? You're going to die from ME." he yelled at Jacky.

"Wait a minute... my poster... JUSTIN!" Jacky smiled, and leaped up.

Jacky flipped on his communication watch, which he'd forgotten to take off.

"Justin! Can you hear me? Are you there?" he asked, desperately.

"Smeg off, Jacky! I'm busy." Justin said, a wet slapping noise in the background.

"Are you still on Blue Dwarf?" Jacky asked.

"Of course. Smeg head..." Justin responded.

Jacky turned to Seymour.

"...We must stay optimistic!" Jacky yelled, happily.

"Wait... a minute." Rimmer said. "If that's the British walking over here... where are all the Americans?"

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