Alex's eyes widened as he felt a stirring beneath his hospital gown.
“Oh smeg, no. Really, no” he murmured, and tried to think of Seymour barking orders – that was usually enough to cool him off.
Not this time. His eyes widened further still, as a splendid, and extremely inappropriate, glowing tent was pitched before him, the hospital gown just horribly enhancing the impression. Holy hell... Bedge looked over and was about to say something when Alex slammed him with his most extreme “don't say a smegging word” look.
It was like being fourteen again, and all the socially awkward trouser situations that brought with it, only without being able to hide them. Or the trousers. He desperately tugged at his bonds again. Bloody GELFs. This was too weird...
Actually, now he came to think of it, he had been in similar situations before, only, without his male crew mates surrounding him like a bunch of absurd Christmas decorations. He screwed his face up. And oh why did Phil have to be naked? Why!?
“Why?” He said aloud.
He was still coming down from the Pizazz, and starting to feel a little paranoid now. In a rush of hot panic he began to gabble.
“Where's White Wolf going? What exactly is going on? (Don't look but) am I radioactive?”
It's pulling my staples. “Seymour, someone, what are we going to- Ew. Seymour.”
He averted his gaze and accidentally saw something glowing from Pancake's cocoon.
“Aargh!” He turned his head and retched a little. “Think I'm gonna throw up.”
The nausea subsided as Candice's words gave his brain a reminder slap. Instead of his - non existent - lunch, he vomited those out instead “... a couple OF DAYS!!?” DAYS!??
He would have liked Cass to come and release him from the gloop-cuffs, but didn't call her as he wasn't too keen on the thought of her nearing his tent display. Especially as she was laughing. And he certainly wouldn't want the new lady to approach him. He'd prefer Unit One to do it, to be honest. He remembered Unit One's maiming instruments. Maybe not.
A thought struck him. “Bedge, you're a mega strong simulant, can't you bust your bonds?”
Sm'gsake! Be calm, he saved your life. “Then could you smegging DO IT please?” His teeth were in danger of gritting themselves to sand.

Then something strange happened. He had the bizarre urge to... fight... the others. Part of his mind screamed at him that “no you smegging don't” while the rest of it sang “la la la, homoerotic man-play, yippee”.

The small, sensible, part of his brain prayed silently that all he'd been through in the last few days would give Alex a heart attack, thus rendering him unable to “lightsabre” with the others.

“Er. Anyone fancy a wrestle?” He heard his mouth say.
SHUT UP! He thought.


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