Characters in this post
View character profile for: Davie Jones (Deceased)
View character profile for: Cassandra Jones
View character profile for: Seymour Niples
View character profile for: Efof Yuwan'Kar
View character profile for: White Wolf
View character profile for: Jay Chrysler
View character profile for: Delphine 'Phi' Moreau
View character profile for: Phil FeBuggure
View character profile for: Jacky Kong
View character profile for: Thomas Plisken
View character profile for: Jaxx/Bif Biggles (Away)
View character profile for: Garth
View character profile for: Molly Willis
View character profile for: Evelina Stone (Away)
View character profile for: Dr Jade Black
Posted: Apr 4, 2013, 8:05pm
His hands were shaking again - whether this was due to the state of his health or Phil's potent gasses, he wasn't quite sure - but it didn't matter, he had alcohol.
He took a swig. Thank Gods, thank you Phil.
And another. Ow...
And another. Jeezzuzzh Chriishhs...
He tried to get up, to go thank Phil for the gift but... that really wasn't gonna happen - whatever the GELF had given him was stronger than Pancake's personal-pleasurin' paw. He could feel it burning in his stomach and wondered what the hell it was doing to him. Still, at least the spiders were slowing their crawl over Molly's face. He smiled and nodded, before it sunk in.
A spiderless Molly squinted at him.
“Erm... are you all ri-” PAARP!
She stopped, mid-sentence, surprised at her own body. It was like a puppy noticing itself farting for the first time. She cast around for inspiration, but there was no covering it up.
“Excuse me” she muttered.
A newly clothed Phil laughed, the force of which caused him to accidentally let an impressive one slip, himself.
“I say, that's quite enough of-” PAARRRPP! Seymour's face coloured as he involuntarily released a buttock flapper of his own.
“What the devil is going on?”
“I'm not sure,” Jade chuckled “luckily I don't seem to be affe-” PURP! “Ah.”
Jaxx was trying desperately to hold in the buttock burster which had been begging his behind to belch. There was no way he was going to launch a stink cloud in front of his lovely new friend Evelina, though, even if she had just expelled a stonker of her own.
“Must be the mushrooms!” Efof wafted all four arms, trying to escape Jacky's stench. The young scientist's lab coat rippled as several wafts blasted machine-gun like, 'tween his cheeks.
“Oh God!" He wailed. "I wouldn't normally have eaten much, but I was so hungry. Why!!?”
“Now that's what I call a good curry!” Announced FeBuggure, who'd moved to sit with Jay on a fallen trunk.
“Not windy yourself?” He enquired of his apparently unaffected friend.
“No, doesn't look like it.”
PLLLLLLL. A sombre vapour trail vibrated its way along the log.
White Wolf trotted past, tail a-whirl, spreading his bright and breezy contribution around the camp. Brrrrppphhhh!
“It's all very good laughing," he tutted "but with all the stench you guys are creating, I think I've lost Cass's trail!”
Alex sat wrapped in his blanket, blinking at the odd scene before him. He wondered casually if he was going mad. Luckily he was too wasted to care, even if he was.
“The light!” Evelina tried reminding them, but nobody heard, over the sudden chorus of awesome anal acoustics.
“Yeah.” Jaxx winced. “The babe is right... don't forget the light, we really should check it out. Oooff”.
The shark-dude writhed in agony, stomach bloated with the evil gas. But... he... mustn't... release... it.
“Bloody hell!” Plisken exclaimed. “Why are you swelling up like that? Are you okay, son?”
He gave Jaxx's distended, quivering stomach a prod.
The poor bulging guy could hold his secret gas no more, and it exploded from his backside with the force and sound of a million contrabassoons, his gigantic muscular buttocks providing the perfect flap to create an exquisite PPPPHBBBBBRRRRRRRRWWWHHHWWWHHHHWWWWWWWWWWWWWPPPPPPPP PLL PL PL PLLLLL … pllp..
Miles away, at the ruined spaceport
Cass looked up sharply at a resounding note which suddenly rumbled across the planet's surface.
In the distance, the tops of several cliffs fell in on themselves and collapsed. Her companions ducked instinctively at the terrifying, apocalyptic noise. It was... almost as if... a million contrabassoons were being blown at once...
Back at the camp site
“Why are you not farting?” PLUPP!
Garth held an accusatory finger towards Solvay.
“I don't know, lucked out I guess” Alex attempted to say.
“Idhzzhhw. Luhaowigess” heard Garth.
Ffffpft. “He threw up his dinner, I heard him.” Katrina was jogging a giggling fartmonkey of a Max on her hip.
“Ah, so it was something we ate, then.”
"Idnno, tripbal.fct. Btmd. Whhw." ("I dunno, I've been tripping balls, the mushrooms might have had some effect - But it might just be withdrawal.")
“Oh! This is no good at all!” Seymour nearly jumped out of his chair as another litre of air bounced its way through his bottom. He was fed up of his face being approximate to the standing people's airhorns, and the fact that the seated or lying people's expulsions were pumping up towards his nose.
“WHY ARE THEY ALL LANDING ON ME!?” He demanded, loudly, causing a temporary window of shocked silence between trumpets.
Evelina took advantage of the quiet.
“LOOK, THE LIGHT!” She yelped and pointed towards it.
This time everyone heard, and turned to look.
Alex's eyebrows shot up. “Thasshitwasreal?”
His attention was drawn away as he noticed his stomach glowing – not a glowing feeling, it was literally glowing, like ET's chest.
But everyone was looking at the beacon.
“It must be Cass! She's alive!” Efof beamed and turned to the others. “She's sending us a signal!”
White Wolf snuffled the area around camp, trying to catch her trail again but lifted his head, revolted at the very un-Cass-like odour that had accosted his sensitive snout.
“It might well be her, but I just can't tell any more. You guys are disgusting.”
“Oh, and you've not contributed anything yourself?” Snapped Phi, grumpy at the pain in her abdomen – like Jaxx, she was trying to keep her own noxious fumes in for as long as she could.
A long, drawn out whine of a hamster fart answered that question.