The 3,000,000 Year Old Virgin Part 1

Giving her a sceptical, sidelong glance, Jay turned his attention back to Holly “The good news, please mate?”
“Well, you know those cyborgs that Plisken bought back with him?”
“The good news is that they’ve all up and left, so you don’t have to worry about finding enough food to feed them all”
“And the bad news?”
“They’ve taken most of your remaining food with them”
“Fucking wonderful” Cass buried her head in her hands
“Still, it’s not all bad, eh?” Holly beamed beatifically “At least it isn’t raining”
“Utter, fucking bastard” Cass grumbled as she pushed herself to her feet in the silence that followed “Bastard, fucking bastard” she turned to Jay “I’ll tell the others” she said with a sigh and trudged out with a dejected shake of her head.
“We’re docking in thirty minutes” Jay called after her “Tell them to look lively”
“I can’t fucking wait”

After a long and mind numbing trek to the Blue Dwarf the crew made their way off the ship. The fact that they were reduced to Nutrigrain bars as their main source of nutrition was also not appealing. Jaxx and Evelina made their way to his MACO lab. It was a good long walk after a long flight but Evelina insisted that Franky get a new body since she was not in the mood to share Jaxx with Fanky anymore and especially on her honeymoon. Unknown to Jaxx, Evelina had been planning her honeymoon for quite some time. After they accessed the lab Fanky took over Jaxx’s body and pulled out the tentacle barbs from his gut and put them in some sterile petri dishes. Then Franky accessed the computers in Jaxx’s lab to see how they worked. Using knowledge he absorbed from the whole crew he was able to use their equipment and technology. The knowledge from Artemis, Cass, Jaxx, Evelina and Jade gave him a better understanding on how to clone and grow a new body. Of course Franky added a few modifications to his new body as he gave it the ability to breathe air out of water and walk on land. The process took all day as Franky was constantly making corrections to improve the new body. Evelina took a nap on a nearby cot as Franky worked nonstop through the night. Once he was able to stabilize the body to a young adult, which would be around a hundred years old in human years, Franky smiled as he looked at the new Calamar (Spider Squid) body.
Franky then took a DNA sample of the new Calamar body and had it saved to remake his race later on. Franky was pleased by his work and now that he had a new body he could work on repopulating his race, however since he lacked female Calamar DNA this would prove to be a big problem. Franky was concerned but he knew it was too much to do in one day so he laid down next to Evelina and spooned her before he severed his spirit from Jaxx and merged with his new Calamar body. Then Franky looked around from inside the liquid filled cloning tank as he saw Jaxx and Evelina sleeping together. Franky smiled as he thought, “Well done my apprentice. You have matured a bit even. I’ll give you both some space while I work on rebuilding my race even. However I will continue to oversee your training till I leave this ship. Till then sleep tight and sweet dreams even.”

The next morning Evelina and Jaxx woke up spooning on the cot. Evelina woke up looking as radiant as always with a blushing smile as she saw how they were sleeping. As Evelina and Jaxx got up they saw Franky in the MACO tank waving as he talked to them via telepathy, “Oceans to Murgatroyd, I trust you both slept well even?” Evelina smiled and replied, “Yes and thank you for giving Jaxx back.” Franky replied, “Oh my, it was no biggie, now why don’t you both go have some fun even.” Jaxx slowly got up as he was confused by where he was and what was going on. It wasn’t long before Franky told Jaxx what happened and that he would oversee his training later on. Then Evelina led Jaxx back to their room. Along the way Evelina turned her head and asked, “Hey Jaxx are you up to going out? Jaxx shrugged and replied, “Uh like sure Eve babe. Like wut ya got in mind.” Eve gave an impish smile and replied, “Then how about we finish where we left off?” Jaxx had a confused look on his face as he replied, “Huh?? I am like totally confused Eve babe. Did I like miss sumthin?” Evelina blushed as she replied, “I…….I was hoping we could have that honeymoon you promised me.” Jaxx stared at Evelina with a blank face as he tried to think of what to say.” Evelina was hurt by Jaxx’s lack of response as she waited for him to say anything at all. After a long awkward wait Evelina finally replied with a hurt look, “Don’t you want to go on our honeymoon Jaxx?” Jaxx nervously rubbed the back of his head as he nervously laughed and replied, “Cha like of course Eve babe, but……uhhhh…….like wut is a honeymoon exactly?” Evelina looked at Jaxx and began to smile as she realized Jaxx was out of his element again. Evelina felt relieved as she smiled again and said, “It’s like a holiday for married people.” Jaxx thought for a bit and then replied, “Oh ok Eve babe but like wut will we like do and stuff?” Evelina smiled impishly again and replied, “Don’t worry Jaxx I will plan it out with Holly.” It wasn’t long before they arrived back at their room. Then Evelina called up Holly on her vid screen and had him display all the shops and events in the Promenade. After a few minutes Evelina found where she wanted to go and the locations for each place. Being a Navigator made it easy for her to plan out her route to each location. Then Evelina smiled impishly at Jaxx as she went into the closet and pulled out one of Jaxx’s custom black suits as well as her black latex mini dress with some shoes and laid them on the bed. Evelina looked at Jaxx and then said, “Put your suit on and bring your swim wear so I can put in in my bag.” Jaxx looked at Evelina and realized he was going to have to suck it up and do what she said since he did promise her. After Jaxx left to another room to change Evelina made sure Jaxx was gone before she pulled out her skimpy swimsuit, some very riskay lingerie and a handbag to put them in. Then she smiled impishly as she imagined seducing Jaxx in her skimpy lingerie and bikini.

After getting their extra clothes and a few hidden snacks were packed, a well-dressed Jaxx an Evelina headed to the Promenade and did some shopping for little things. Eventually they made their way to a posh restaurant. Evelina smiled nervously as she escorted Jaxx by the arm to The Gourmet Gourd. The Gourmet Gourd is known for its fine gourmet vegetarian cuisine and is run by posh rodents. The rodents grew their own food so they were not affected by the theft of the food stores by the departing cyborgs. Evelina looks at Jaxx and said, “Let’s try this place Jaxx. Jaxx nervously looked at the fancy restaurant and replied, “Ummm…..ok Eve babe.” After they walked into the restaurant Jaxx felt very out of place. After a small wait they were greeted by a snooty rat maitre’d with a French accent.

The snooty rat looked at Evelina and then at Jaxx and sighed as he replied, “Zoo you have ze appointment?” Jaxx looked confused at Eve for an answer and she smiled as she replied, “Um no but we were hoping you could squeeze us in.” The snooty rat looked at the appointment book and replied, “Ve appear to have ze opening…..” Evelina smiled with joy till the snooty rat finished, “In three months.” Evelina sighed with a frown after hearing the snooty rat finish his sentence.” Jaxx didn’t like the way the snooty rat teased Evelina so he approached the snooty rat and said, “Yo bro chill on the harsh tude.” The snooty rat quickly panicked as he backed away from Jaxx in fear. The snooty rat put his hands up in fear as he said, “Ztay avay vrom me you brute. I vill call zecurity!” Jaxx looked at the cowardly snooty rat with a bit of confusion as he replied, “Chill lil dude. You’re totally spazin out and stuff.” The snooty rat began screaming for security as he flailed his arms about. The Head Chef mouse just happened to walk by and saw the snooty rat and Jaxx in a bad conversation. The Chef saw Jaxx and quickly jumped and got between Jaxx and the snooty rat and pulled off his large Chef hat so he could hit the snooty rat repeatedly with it. Jaxx and Evelina looked at each other in confusion as the Chef smacked the snooty rat around and lectured him on being nice to VIPs.

Then the Chef sighed as he put his hat back on and then bowed to Jaxx as he said, “My most humble apologies sir. Francis is new and he is a bit clueless. If there is any way I can make it up to you have but to ask.” Jaxx looked at Evelina who smiled nervously and shrugged, then Jaxx replied, “Cha bro well we were like hoping to like dine at your most awesome establishment, if that’s cool and all.” The Chef smiled in relief as he grabbed the back of the snooty rat’s collar and forced him to bow as they welcomed Jaxx and Evelina to the restaurant. Jaxx and Evelina were very confused but followed the Head Chef to the VIP section. As Jaxx and Evelina passed through the posh restaurant filled with well-dressed rodents enjoying fine vegetarian cuisine. Jaxx felt completely out of place in such a nice place but put on a brave face for Evelina who looked so happy to be there. As Jaxx watched Evelina she looked very excited like she did at Whiskerman’s party. After being seated by the Head Chef, he told them he was going to surprise them with his best dishes. Jaxx just smiled a lot since he had no idea why the Head Chef was being so nice to him and Evelina. It wasn’t long before the waiters brought some appetizers, fruit flavored water and fine handmade wine. Jaxx nervously watched as Evelina was very happy to be catered to with the VIP treatment. Of course Evelina insisted on feeding Jaxx by hand hoping to use her feminine charms on him. Little did she know her charms were far more effective than she had ever hoped for however Jaxx nervously accepted Evelina’s pampering. After a while Jaxx began to relax a bit as he was enjoying the food and the attention of Evelina. As each dish was served Evelina continued to pamper Jaxx as she fed him by hand. Although Jaxx felt a bit awkward with Evelina he was afraid to say anything since the guilt of hurting her before was weighing heavy on him.

After desert Evelina needed to visit the ladies room so she made her way to the other side of the restaurant. On her way back she overheard two mice waiters talking about the new VIPs that came in. The new waiter was curious why the VIP shark man was so popular. The older waiter told him that this restaurant was not so nice in the past. The original owner was the Head Chef’s Mother–In-Law and she was a cruel and greedy female mouse. However she was being extorted by the Huzzards for protection money and cut the salaries of the employees to prevent any money loss from her pocket. This had been going on for a long time till the shark man came onboard the ship and ate the greedy Huzzards as well as the Head Chef’s evil Mother–In-Law. At first we were concerned we had a new problem but the shark man only went after the Huzzards since then. The mice had continued to monitor the shark man to make sure he was not a threat and were relieved he did nothing to them. Then one day the shark man left the ship for a long time and returned as a vegetarian. Since he saved us from that horrid woman he has been a bit of a celebrity here. Evelina smiled as she left the conversation to head back to see Jaxx who was just finishing up the last of the food. Jaxx was feeling nice as he was enjoying the large fancy meal in his belly. When Evelina came back Jaxx asked, “Hey Eve babe, like why do ya think these lil dudes are being so awesome to us?” Evelina giggled as she replied, “Perhaps you helped them before you lost your memory.” Jaxx thought about and then nervously rubbed the back of his head as he replied, “Prolly so Eve babe. So like what did ya wanna do next?” Evelina smiled as she replied, “Don’t sweat it Jaxx I promise you will have fun.” After paying the bill through Holly, Evelina left a nice tip for the staff. Jaxx felt even more awkward as many staff members as well as the Head Chef thanked them with a formal farewell. Jaxx and Evelina complimented their service and food and were happy to dine there.


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